113: Wait… Do I Know You? Forgetting Faces & Faking It

Roula (00:00)
this is going to be the t-shirt of every day, which means the listeners will never know what day it is.

Rosie (00:04)
They'll never know when we've recorded.

That wasn't actually that funny, but yeah.

Roula (00:11)
goodness

no but I know you and I we just can laugh for nothing ⁓ gosh okay guys I'm gonna calm down now the intro music will come in and we will ask the question afterwards

Rosie (00:15)
You

Roula (00:35)
Rosie, Rosie. All right. So this thing happens to all of us and some people are better with their memory than others. Okay. When someone from a long time ago, you see them on the street in a shop or whatever in a social event and they know immediately who you are and your name and you have no clue if you ever seen them in your life.

Rosie (00:36)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Awkward.

Roula (01:09)
Have you been in this situation?

Rosie (01:12)
I'm trying to think. Nothing comes to mind, but I'm sure it would have happened. I probably just don't get out enough. that's probably, yeah, that has probably happened. But my memory is terrible. I don't have an example. You're springing it on me. I feel like you have an example. You have an example for sure. So do share.

Roula (01:19)
Maybe you're the one who remembers the other.

Tell me, tell me, Morse.

Yes, lately happened so many times because I've been to a couple of social events or also with my husband that we were together and someone came to him, talked to him. I don't know if my memory is clear. What I remember is that after that person left, he turned around and he's like, I have no clue who this person is.

Rosie (02:06)
shit.

Roula (02:07)
And I definitely have this. People would remember me, you know, especially in the Netherlands. I'm feeling awkward when someone remembers me because my social circle is still my social circle, the same since I moved here. And the other people are from my work. And I don't remember anyone from my previous jobs. No one. And then I see them in places and they remember me.

Rosie (02:23)
Mmm.

Hmm

No.

Roula (02:35)
And they remember also details about me. And I'm astonished. I have no words. I don't even know what to ask them because I don't remember in which job we were.

Rosie (02:37)
Huh?

What do you say in that situation?

Do you think they realize that you have no idea who they are? Or are you good at covering?

Roula (02:49)
Some of them, yes. And they say,

and they say, you don't remember who I am, do you?

⁓ so awkward. This moment is why I ask myself, why should I remember you? We barely work together. You didn't mark my life in any way.

Rosie (03:11)
That's the truth, right? Why sugarcoat it?

Roula (03:15)
yeah. And then I'm like, what if they remember me because I was mean at them or something at work. Cause I have some record of being mean that I don't, I'm not proud of at work. I'm like, what?

Rosie (03:19)
⁓ Yeah

I can imagine you being a bitch

at work, actually.

Roula (03:34)
Long time ago. Long time ago. Not anymore. ⁓ Yeah. So people have some people have good memory or they remember you and you don't. That's so, so embarrassing. But why do we think it's embarrassing?

Rosie (03:35)
Okay, not anymore.

Why is it embarrassing? Yeah! Why is it embarrassing?

Because we don't want to hurt people's feelings. I think that's what it is. It's not like we don't remember because we think they're an awful person. It's just we forgot.

Roula (04:08)
Yeah, and we find it hard to ask them, where do I know you from?

Rosie (04:12)
Yes, don't we? We'd rather

just be like, yeah, hi, nice to see you. Actually, you know what? I've got an example. It's actually not really an example, but it made me think of it. I remember being in a shopping center and this lady came up behind me. went, hi, how are you doing? Like as if she knew me. I went, ⁓ hi, how are you? Good to see you. Like as if I knew her. I had no idea who this lady was. Turns out she was just selling tickets for a competition.

She had no idea who I was, but I responded as if I knew her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But guess what? I won that competition, so that was pretty cool. Free photo shoot for a family portrait. That was pretty cool.

Roula (04:55)
Yeah, good one. Well, I have also a member a few last week. I'm walking in our City center here in this new city. I know except for school parents. I don't know anyone and I'm walking and there's with this woman walking Past me looking very friendly giving me a big smile. I'm walking towards her thinking because I'm going in that direction thinking Is she a parent from school?

Rosie (04:55)
Hahaha!

Yeah, who's this?

Roula (05:24)
my head all thought, where do I know her from? Do I have to say hi? Because she seems she knows me. She said hi with a smile and she wanted to talk I think, but I said hi and I kept walking because I couldn't really remember her. So I'm walking further and still thinking, where do I know this person? Where do I know this person?

Rosie (05:43)
own.

Yeah! You can't

stop thinking about it.

Roula (05:50)
And then I remembered. I was with her in the same living room a week ago at the birthday of our niece.

Rosie (05:52)
yeah.

my god.

my god!

Roula (06:03)
So, yeah, I felt really embarrassing because the least I could do is stand and say, Hi, how are you? Now she think I'm an arrogant bitch and I'm gonna see her next time.

Rosie (06:15)
Hey, you said hello! You said hello.

Yeah.

Roula (06:21)
Do I tell her I didn't recognize you or her feelings will be hurt?

Rosie (06:23)
She might not

even remember.

Roula (06:28)
That's a good point. That's a good one. OK. So what do we do? What do we do when we don't remember someone, when someone is coming to us and we don't know who they are? Do we ask them, where do I know you from? Please remind me.

Rosie (06:32)
Yeah.

We overthink this.

I think maybe we should. Why do we bullshit so much? It might hurt their feelings, but you know what? Then you might be reminded of a wonderful memory. It's not because you don't like them. You just bloody forgot, like you and I. I've actually forgotten what our conversation was the other day, but it was about forgetting things. And I said, I don't know who's worse, me or you.

Roula (07:12)
chat chat he was hilarious hilarious yes yes we're overthinking it we're making a big deal out of it and

Rosie (07:20)
We are. Stop being so

sensitive. Actually, here's an example. It's very different because it's not in real life. Not really with people I know, but I live stream on social media a lot. And sometimes I'll have people come into the live stream and the first thing they say is, do you remember me? And I just say, I want to say yes, but no, actually I don't. I don't remember you. And they'll go, ⁓ I'm the one who said blah, blah, blah. And often I'll be like,

don't remember that. For example, there was someone who kept telling me I had nice teeth and it reminded me and I went, ⁓ yeah, I remember that. And other times I'll say, sorry, I don't remember, but awesome to have you here. What's the problem?

Roula (08:01)
That's a very valid example, super

valid. Our interactions are also online. Yes, indeed. ⁓ If you say, no, I don't remember, or can you help me to remember? They take it personal. Do I take it personal if someone doesn't remember me? I don't know.

Rosie (08:16)
Hmm. I don't think I've ever said, had

someone say. no, actually I don't remember you. So I don't know. Maybe I'd be a little bit confronted by it, but actually what's the point in having a conversation if they have no idea who you are?

Roula (08:34)
Yeah, the advantage for you now and you really have to take it in consideration. You're 180, you have a bald head and you live in a van. People will remember you.

Rosie (08:42)
Hmm

Maybe.

Roula (08:49)
You might not remember them because they have hair. They're not 180. And I'm saying about women. They don't live in a van. They're regular people, common people.

Rosie (08:53)
Yes!

are you going with this? Yeah. Okay, gotcha.

I'm abnormal, they're normal. Yeah, no, it's true. Some people stand out in your memory because they're so memorable, I guess.

Roula (09:10)
Yeah. that's also okay. Okay. Now we're it's about that. So we were at a party and there was this guy and I remember him because like 14 years ago we worked together, but I remember him because he has a nice look and I always thought that he looks really, really handsome. No, no, not. I wasn't attracted to him. I just thought he has a nice hair. He's nicely dressed. He has nice glasses. So he has nice look. I did not forget him. And then when I saw him,

Rosie (09:22)
Mm-hmm.

little bit attractive.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (09:39)
after 14 years looking exactly the same. Nothing changed. I totally remembered him. He did not remember me when I told him we worked together. ⁓ But that was okay. Yeah, he said to me, no, think he's like, no, everybody remembers me.

Rosie (09:47)
Mmm.

So he said to you he didn't remember. Is that an ex- yeah?

You think he's lying?

So Rula was offended.

Roula (10:06)
No, no, when he said that I was fine with it and I didn't try to remind him of things to remember me because I understand that I wasn't on his radar anywhere. Why would he remember me? You know, something in him stuck.

Rosie (10:20)
True, yeah. I guess if it's someone you were close with, maybe

you'd be offended, but it was just someone you worked with.

Roula (10:28)
Yeah, someone you're close with, won't forget. Would you?

Rosie (10:31)
You'd hope not.

I don't think so.

Roula (10:36)
I forget names, but not the faces of those closely.

Rosie (10:38)
me too. Yeah. I

forget names. I've got worse. I really struggle like watching TV shows. I'll forget names. And I'll often watch it with a friend, like at the same time, not in the same room. And we'll be messaging and I'll say, yeah, the chick with the brown hair, who's the brother of the guy with the blonde hair. And they'll go, huh? You mean Brian and Julie? And I'm like, yeah, that's their names. Like I just...

Roula (11:04)
And you're not sure if these are Brian and Julie because they might be other brown and blondes. So what they thought is Brian and Julie might be, I don't know, Jason and Trish.

Rosie (11:08)
They could be someone else. They could be telling me something. Yeah.

Tree.

You know really annoys me? This isn't really what we're talking about, but I have to share this because it annoys me. You're watching a TV show or a movie. You go, where do I know them from? Like there's an actor or an actress and you're like, where do I know them from? And it will consume me until I remember where I have seen them before. To the point I will even pull out my phone and try to find it. Do you ever experience this?

Roula (11:44)
Yes, all the time. My husband and I, have this all the time. I

don't bother much to know where I saw them before, but he does. And then we're starting to look, OK, where did we find them? Because we're both very bad at remembering name of actors, of movies, names of books, of authors. We have like, we have a dimension in a certain way.

Rosie (11:52)
Mmm. ⁓

Yeah.

⁓

Why? What? Do you?

Do you think it is to do with age or is it to do with how technology has made it easier to get through life without remembering everything? ⁓

Roula (12:22)
Technology.

I remember a lot of stuff, but I don't remember the stuff that I can look up very quickly. Every time I cook, I ask at GPT to convert measurements for me every single time. And it's the same measurement that I used. Ostrogram, ostrogram, two ostrograms. And I ask every time.

Rosie (12:29)
This is true. Yeah.

Yeah.

So you should know!

I guess it frees up mental capacity for more important things though, doesn't it? Yeah.

Roula (12:52)
Yes.

All right, Rosie, we have to wrap this up because it's time.

Rosie (12:55)
Yeah, I want an episode about

AI because it's got my mind thinking, but yes, do you forget people? All right.

Roula (13:04)
Do

you forget people? you forget names? You don't forget? Yeah, that's the question. That's the million dollar question. All right. Bye listeners.

Rosie (13:06)
Should we tell them we've forgotten them? Where do we know you from? I think we should, yes. Yeah, remember now?

Bye.