114: Making Love vs Fucking vs Having Sex. What's the Difference?!

Rosie (00:00)
You know what, I think I've got a topic for you. I really, really want to hear your thoughts on this. Yes. And I think, I have a feeling you're going to get fired up about this because I know you're passionate about sex.

Roula (00:03)
⁓ Here we go.

you

Rosie (00:26)
So Rula, what is the difference, or is there a difference between making love and fucking, shagging, hooking up, humping?

Roula (00:39)
Maybe making love is very boring? ⁓

Rosie (00:45)
It's so funny, can I tell you where this question came from? So I was having a conversation with a friend and she knows I'm talking about this topic, because she said this is a good one for the Rosie and Rula show. She sent me a voice message and said something like, fucking or something. And then she went, sorry, making love. And I sent a message back going, ew, making love, don't be gross. And she laughed and she went, yeah, everybody eye rolls when I say fucking.

She's like, but they have a different meaning. And I went, yeah, they do. But apparently some people think they don't.

Roula (01:22)
Okay, okay, hold on. I'm not sure. I mean, of course, making love is romantic, is full of love, is about commitment and...

being with someone you love and only do the act with that one person.

Rosie (01:39)
Mm.

Roula (01:40)
But not everyone has one person to be with.

And it doesn't mean at the same time they have more than one. It could be just some some nice encounter and ended up in something and then it's broken another one. So make it love. What?

Rosie (01:57)
I feel like you're being, I feel like you're tiptoeing

around the subject because your first reaction was maybe it's boring and then you thought, I shouldn't have said that. But I want to hear, I want to hear the real thoughts of Rula, the unfiltered thoughts. Why did you say making love is maybe a bit boring?

Roula (02:02)
Yeah. Boring.

These two words are boring. Which couple is still making love? Making love is boring. They stopped making love like 100 years ago after they got together.

Rosie (02:36)
This is interesting. Do you think most people think the same?

Roula (02:40)
No, of course not. Most people are not even having sex because they want to make love and it's not happening as the more they think of it as make love, they won't get any.

Rosie (02:43)
⁓ well, okay.

Make love.

Okay, so what is your definition

of making love?

Roula (02:57)
That's a difficult question because I don't think I make love.

Rosie (03:04)
Have you ever?

Roula (03:05)
I love the person I'm with but this making love is so romanticized you know candle and slow and you know a nice a nice bed very gentle you know very pro only missionary and you know this is the I think or probably just to to have to get

Rosie (03:22)
Yeah, it's very proper and just...

Roula (03:35)
to get pregnant because they're married and they want to have a child so let's make love and make this child from love. From love, you came from love.

Rosie (03:40)
It's very vanilla. From love. From love.

So what's the term in Dutch for making love?

Roula (03:51)
⁓ it's...

Rosie (03:54)
Is that one?

Roula (03:56)
There are two and both are not romantic there is Frejen and Nöken. Nöken is f**king. Frejen is make love I think have sex.

Rosie (04:07)
Okay. What was the other one? Nercan. What's that? What would be a similar English word to that? Odd as fuck. Okay, okay, okay. All right. Yeah. Okay.

Roula (04:09)
I don't know. Nöken.

Fuck. Fucking, Freyen,

it would be more... ⁓ ney, I know. It's a very old-fashioned word. No one ever used it here. Liefde bedreiven, something like this, making love. Liefde is love.

Rosie (04:27)
Yeah?

That's a mouthful. Okay.

Yeah.

Roula (04:37)
No one when no one is using it. I think it's very my goodness I don't want to say this on a podcast because maybe I will I don't want to offend anyone, but it sounds quite Christian

Rosie (04:48)
⁓ wow, interesting. But I think we're being quite negative towards making love, right? Would you say you have ever made love?

Roula (05:04)
Never.

Rosie (05:05)
Never. Because to you making love's Yeah, because I think some people think it's more ⁓ intimate or I almost think making love is, this is going to sound weird, less sexual in a way. Like you're not sexualizing the person as much. Yeah.

Roula (05:09)
Yeah.

Probably this is not, yes,

it's not arousing. But every person is different.

Rosie (05:29)
Right? Yeah! Yeah! Do you?

True, true.

Roula (05:37)
Yeah, make love. Come on.

Rosie (05:40)
Make love and listen to the music What's that song? Let yourself go go ⁓ Yeah

Roula (05:44)
Yeah, well, at a festival that would fit perfectly.

This in a song, it's amazing because it's fostering love and happiness and peace and friendship. Yes, it's... Oh, that's the right word. Making love is holistic. Yes.

Rosie (06:00)
That sounds a lot more holistic then.

Mmm! ⁓

don't think

it's necessarily a bad thing, I don't. Even though we've both been saying, eugh. But I think it's sh- Right, right. But what would you say to couples who only make love? Do think they're missing out?

Roula (06:14)
No, no, no, no, no, no. It's definitely not the bad thing. No.

Well,

no no no, if making love for them is enough to keep the fire burning and enjoying their sex life together, then it works for them.

Rosie (06:29)
Mmm.

Roula (06:34)
Because I don't know how making love would look like because if making love is not fucking like, like, you know, you lose yourself and you forget the world and you're a different person and you're just doing what you feel like doing, then making love is the same. But I never, I don't know.

Rosie (06:48)
Right.

Yeah, it's not a phrase I like to use to be honest.

Roula (07:02)
Sounds too

too sweet to...

Rosie (07:10)
Yeah. Too neat! Yeah. You're an animal.

Roula (07:10)
too neat.

Have

you ever made love?

Rosie (07:17)
I would say yes, but like, it is, it's very vanilla and less like, I'm saying vanilla, do you know what I mean? Well, it's just, it is, it's very tame, but it's also like more of a, no, this just sounds stupid. I don't want to talk. I really don't want to talk. It's more of like, I was gonna say, no, I don't want to talk because this, I'm sounding like an idiot.

Roula (07:19)
How does it look like then?

But what does vanilla mean?

Talk about it?

Rosie (07:45)
and I don't think I've got the right words, but it's more like this... I was gonna say spiritual connection, I'm not a spiritual person. It's different! I don't think it's sex, it's different! I don't have the words.

Roula (07:57)
Maybe the first time with someone that you really, really like could be because it's so... It feels romantic. It feels like this is... that's a dream coming true. ⁓

Rosie (08:03)
Maybe.

So

fucking can't be romantic? Is that what we're saying? Is it more about it depends? Okay.

Roula (08:16)
depends depends depends

to every person's definition

Rosie (08:23)
Yeah, yeah. So what word do you use?

in Dutch, English.

Roula (08:32)
I don't.

Rosie (08:35)
What do you call sex?

Roula (08:35)
You mean if...

Yeah, we just say let's have sex. Do want to have sex?

Rosie (08:41)
Yeah. I feel like people have a problem with saying that. ⁓

Roula (08:42)
Is this the time?

Yeah, because why? It means they are getting out of their goody-two-shoes boundaries and going to do the act of enjoying a healthy relationship with their partner?

Rosie (08:59)
The Act? Yeah!

Yeah, there's still shame around sex, isn't there? We like to think we're very progressive, but I think there is still a lot of shame around it. Not for everybody, but there is. I think some people feel they have to say making love because it's just too improper or in your face to say sex or fucking or whatever the word is.

Roula (09:17)
Oop.

Because maybe using the word sex and fucking me, it insinuate that you're doing something bad that you're not supposed to do because, you know, it's in porn, it's, I don't know, in bad stories and all this kind of stuff. We learn that these words are bad. If you're doing them, you're bad. You feel shame and guilt. So I prefer to use love because this is what makes people comfortable.

Rosie (09:36)
Mmm.

so maybe

they feel, yeah, and maybe they feel like saying fucking means they don't love the person, that all it's about is sex. Maybe that's what they're worried about.

Roula (10:07)
Could be.

Could be. About talking about sex, you know, in the Middle Eastern culture, everybody talks about sex. But you're not allowed to do it until you get married. But the jokes, how they prepare some, when a girl have her period, everybody start thinking, ⁓ so now she can have sex, she can get pregnant, blah, blah, blah. So we have to strangle her. We have to...

Rosie (10:18)
Really?

Roula (10:35)
like put her in a cage because now she can reproduce. But in the jokes, the way even dancing, it's in the air everywhere. While here in the Netherlands, youngsters and everyone is having sex and no one talks about it. There are no sexy jokes. Nobody wants to talk, not because they're prude.

Rosie (10:37)
My god, yeah.

Yeah.

Roula (11:04)
It's because it's not in their culture to talk about it. Like it's not in their culture to talk about other important things too. ⁓ And for me, coming here and feeling that everyone else is so not willing to talk about sex made me really put like a pin in this topic. How come I'm from the Middle East where nothing is allowed and the sex is in the air everywhere? Maybe that's why, because things are not allowed.

Rosie (11:12)
Mmm.

Wow.

Yeah.

Roula (11:34)
they are in the

air. ⁓ And I think both are healthy. Talking about it, giving it the right words is healthy. Yeah, if people want to make love, it's fine. And if they want to have sex, it's also fine, as long as they know what they want and they ask for it.

Rosie (11:43)
Mmm.

Well, I think most people don't... Well, I feel like we've spoken about this, but most people, first of all, they don't know what they want. And secondly, if they don't know what they want, how can they ask for it? Or if they do know what they want, they're too scared to ask for it.

Roula (12:08)
Yes. And people don't know what they want. If they want, don't watch, don't look, don't find, don't search. Because like anything else in life, what do I know what I want if I haven't learned it? Yeah. And yeah, I think calling it to make love make us very scared of, you know, we have the episode where we talked about these special porn sites for women and men.

Rosie (12:30)
Yeah

Yes, yes.

Roula (12:38)
but they're more respectful, have a goal to enhance sexual life without the dirty porn that is out there.

Rosie (12:46)
Mmm.

You know, I've had another thought. know we're going on and on and on. It's important. I almost feel like making love, it is more romantic. It's more personal. It's less just losing yourself and, you know, getting carried away in your whatever own world. I don't have the words. So maybe making love in my mind is you wouldn't necessarily like, you wouldn't necessarily orgasm.

That's not the goal. Mind you, when you're fucking that doesn't have to be the goal either, does it? I actually have no idea what my opinion is on this, but I still... Yeah. Why call it what it is? Yeah. So true. Not many people say it.

Roula (13:21)
⁓ no, no.

call it sex I like to call it sex yeah yes because

no when we call it sex it can be making love it can be fucking it can be whatever we want it to be but we're doing we're having sex that's what we're having so why are we gonna give it another name

Rosie (13:53)
Yeah. There you go everybody. Just call it sex. Get over it. It's sex. Sex. Sex. Sex!

Roula (13:59)
And it's not normal not to do it when you

can. So if people are judging you for doing it, then they're just jealous. Not necessarily just, I'm just trying to encourage you to talk about it and not be scared. And we're gonna be censored very soon with all these topics.

Rosie (14:10)
Noooo

Yes, talk about it. Okay. All right. That was an interesting conversation.

Yes.

⁓ well. Do you make love everybody? Do you fuck? Do you have sex? What are your thoughts? Is making love gross? Is it boring?

Roula (14:30)
Yeah, what do you like to call it?

What do you call it? Let us know. And I can't promise you we won't have this kind of episodes again. So stay tuned.

Rosie (14:41)
We definitely

will hit them again. Yes, okay. Bye.