117: Tuning Out From Boring Conversations - We're All Guilty

Roula (00:00)
that's interesting.

Rosie (00:01)
what's interesting.

Roula (00:03)
I do.

do have this thing about people that talk a lot and then you check out because you don't know anymore what they're talking about.

Rosie (00:14)
⁓ no.

Roula (00:20)
What do you think?

Rosie (00:21)
yeah,

Roula (00:34)
Okay, another question as usual. Okay, our episodes are self-awareness and be good, etc. And then some of them are why the heck do we get stuck with people that talk a lot and you can't get away from it?

Rosie (00:36)
Yep, hit me Roula.

This is a common theme getting stuck in conversations or with people yeah

Roula (00:58)
Yes,

you know, these are persons, you like them, but then when they start talking, they never stop. And you don't know anymore what to do.

Rosie (01:12)
⁓ God, I'm not the person to ask. I'll get caught out. I'm trying to look engaged and nod and, but I'll just, my mind will just go elsewhere. Thinking about other things or I'm concentrating so much on trying to look like I'm concentrating that I've got no idea what they're saying.

Roula (01:13)
What do you do?

Do you think that person,

that person noticing if you're engaged or not?

Rosie (01:39)
I think it depends. If they're a person who, you know, some people who talk a lot, it's a very one-sided conversation and they don't listen to anything you say in response. Those people, I don't think they notice at all. You could say, I don't like you when they just keep talking because they're not listening. But then there's other people, it's true, you know it. Then there's other people who are very chatty, but they do actually listen and they are more observant.

I think those people would pick up on it. Like if I was talking to you, Roula, sometimes I'll get excited about things and I talk a lot. No, other way around. If you were talking to me a lot... What? Really? Are you being sarcastic? ⁓

Roula (02:08)
Hmm.

You? No!

Yeah...

No, I'm serious.

Rosie (02:23)
that's interesting. I think sometimes I can talk a lot. Maybe I know how to behave with you because we know each other well. I don't know. But the example I was trying to give you and I know each other and I like to think we're both good listeners. So if you were talking to me about something that's upsetting you or you're really passionate about talking lots and if I started tuning out, you would notice so quickly. Would you agree?

Roula (02:51)
100%.

Rosie (02:52)
Yes!

Roula (02:55)
100 %

Rosie (02:56)
Yeah.

I'd just start nodding and going, hmm, when it just wasn't appropriate to, and especially because I try to be really engaged in conversation and ask questions and take it deeper. If I'm tuned out, you're going to know. And I don't have a very good poker face. Hmm.

Roula (02:59)
How?

And you know what challenge is, Rosie?

Is that after like meeting again after this long conversation and the expectation that you still remember everything I said or I said everything you said. Well, that's not the case. Because if someone talking a lot and you're tuning out, you're not listening anymore, you're not registering.

Rosie (03:30)
⁓ shit, ⁓

Roula (03:40)
So meeting them again, you have to pretend that you still know what they talked about to avoid that they start all over again.

Rosie (03:43)
⁓ shit. dear.

dear. Now you know what? just, I, I say, can you remind me? Because the other part of this is I, my memory is terrible. It really is. Why you pulled that face?

Roula (04:03)
Yeah, because you'd say, you keep telling me I'm forgetful. You call me out on it. And now you say, ⁓ that's not fair.

Rosie (04:07)
HAHAHA

Well,

feel free to call me forgetful because it's pretty unreal and most of the time it's not because I'm disinterested. don't retain the same information that other people do. Some things I'm really good at remembering. Other things, no. If you ask me, I'm sure you've told me the names of your family members. If you ask me, well, I remember the name of your husband, your son.

I put in my notes app the names of your daughters and I have forgotten. See, I've forgotten. But I put it in my notes app because I know I forget. Where was I going with this? I forgot. I actually don't know what I was...

Roula (04:58)
You're a true example of someone talking a lot and not checked out. I have no idea where you're going. I checked out already.

Rosie (05:02)
Shut up! ⁓ Because that was being boring.

I was being boring. ⁓ This is when you have your... you have a very pleasant look on your face and you'll just... and then there'll be a very long pause afterwards and you're probably like, ⁓ okay she's stopped now. What can I say? Not necessarily, no.

Roula (05:08)
Yeah.

So did I look engaged?

OK, because

I was like I was thinking when first I started thinking when she got first, I was thinking, when is this like, where are we going? And then I started thinking of other stuff. Yeah.

Rosie (05:31)
When's she gonna shut up?

think there's a lot of those moments. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. So I, yeah.

Roula (05:45)
I'm also bad at remembering, especially when

someone... What example? Okay, someone who travels a lot and every time they have a story about their travel. I never remember this because I don't travel.

Rosie (05:56)
Mm.

Yeah.

But it's also like, what benefit would you have in remembering that? So I think you were talking about, you have to pretend in the next conversation that you remember the last conversation that you tuned out of. I just say, you know what, can you remind me? And often what'll happen is they'll say something, I go, that's right, I remember you telling me about that. And then they'll sum it up and I'm like, sweet, okay, I've got the recap version. It's great.

Roula (06:34)
Yeah, so would you worry when you're going to meet such person? Even though you're frozen, but hopefully you're still... I'm gonna wait.

Rosie (06:41)
I'm still here. Can you hear me? I'm here.

Can you hear me? I can hear you. you can. Cool. Okay. Yes.

Roula (06:49)
I can hear you now, yes. Yeah.

All right. So my question to you was, would you worry about meeting this person because you know, it's going to be so long talking.

Rosie (06:58)
that's right.

I don't think this is a problem I have faced. Is this a problem you face all the time? Sounds like this is a...

Roula (07:09)
All the time, no,

but sometimes. You know, about the episode canceling appointments, I would be really happy when such a person would cancel the appointment. Just this disclaimer, I have very good friends that binge listen to our podcast. None of you is in this category. Just to reassure my friends. None of you. I love you all. I want to see you anytime. Well, sometimes if you cancel, it's also okay.

Rosie (07:12)
Yeah.

Yeah!

Hahaha

Be careful what you say

But in the same,

yeah, in the same breath, I think all of us have moments where we go off on a tangent and it gets a bit boring. Like you and I, enjoy each other's company, but just like what happened a couple of minutes ago, you were like, where the fuck is this going, Rosie? My point was, I care about you and you talk about your family, but I have forgotten the names of both of your daughters. My way around it is I put it in my notes app.

And I already forgot what the point was coming... ⁓ fuck. I did have a point Roula God damn it! Anyway! Anyway! You're so rude, you're make me... ⁓ fuck. Listener, you... It is poor... Bloody hell. Point is, we all tune out, okay? We all tune out. It happens.

Roula (08:07)
To yawn. I'm yawning.

This episode is boring.

Yeah, would see this. is one of those episodes.

I gave her the mic. I gave her the mic and I'm tuning out.

Rosie (08:34)
And I

haven't dealt well with this question, have I? So I think we should just put a pin in it. ⁓ Rude! So rude! But I would agree, I don't think any of my answers were particularly insightful. So, ⁓ except this. Don't pretend, Roula the next time you meet the person that you remembered. Don't. Don't even try.

Roula (08:37)
You didn't shut up!

You

Like you should.

I can't even try because they can ask me something and I would not know the answer at all.

Rosie (09:07)
You

give you a test on what they spoke about? Nah, stuff that.

Roula (09:10)
Ahem.

Yeah, and especially when topics intertwine, different topics and then, well, you know, I do this with my husband. He's totally not in the state of having a conversation with me. And then I have so many things to tell him. And he's standing like in the kitchen because he's been working in the garden. He's now in the kitchen. He's having his break. And I see him and I start telling him all these kind of stuff that's going on in my mind. And he's looking at me kind of.

Rosie (09:17)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Roula (09:43)
Okay, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have the capacity to listen to you now. ⁓

Rosie (09:50)
Does he tell you, can we talk about this later or does he just try and soldier through? Yeah.

Roula (09:52)
Yes, yes,

yeah, yeah, he tells me Runa I can't I can't have this now

Rosie (09:58)
I think you have to do that. Not right now, please. Because otherwise what will happen, they'll

pretend they're listening, right? And they'll agree to something or be nodding and responding, but not thinking. And then a couple of days later, something will come up. You're like, I've got that doctor's appointment today. I'll be back late. What? You didn't tell me that. Yes, I did have told you yesterday and you said yes and that you could pick up the kids. So it causes arguments.

Roula (10:25)
Yeah,

you know also what happens, Rosie, sometimes in these kind of conversations, I would not or say yes or no, but I should have said no when I said yes. And then the person is like, what? You're not listening. This is not the right answer. This happened, happens with me.

Rosie (10:37)
⁓ dear. ⁓ dear. ⁓ dear. So what do we do if

we're catching up with a friend? So this isn't in a household situation where you can come and chat later, you live together. What if you're catching up with a friend and you just realize you're really having trouble concentrating? What do you do?

Roula (10:56)
Yeah,

if this friend is always in this state, I don't think I will catch up again.

Rosie (11:03)
But what if it's you who's not interested and tuning out?

Roula (11:08)
Well, if it's on that day, I can be honest. Look at my face, okay, so how does this look like?

Rosie (11:10)
Yeah.

You sound unsure. Be honest.

Yeah, it'd be hard not to offend the other person, wouldn't it?

But you you've put time aside to catch up with them and then you just can't concentrate. I find what you're saying really boring. I don't advise you say that.

Roula (11:30)
Yeah.

Well, you know, now

when I go to pick up Liam, there is a mom and I feel she doesn't have the capacity to chit chat with me. So I pretend I don't see her because I don't want her to feel obligated to have a chat with me.

Rosie (11:40)
Mm-mm.

Just wave

and say hello and keep walking. my god. Maybe do that. That's funny.

Roula (11:52)
Yeah, I do that. I just I walk hoping she

didn't see me or I didn't see her. But because this is how self aware I am when I'm having a conversation with her, that she might not have the capacity. She's she's tired. She can't. Yeah. goodness. So that was in a previous school, not in the new school.

Rosie (12:03)
Mmm.

She must feel obligated to talk to you, yeah.

Hmm, really now?

Okay everybody, alright, yeah maybe. It's alright!

Roula (12:23)
in myself? What

do you say? Shooting yourself in the toe?

Rosie (12:29)
In the toe, in the foot.

Close enough shooting yourself in the toe. It's so funny getting sayings wrong. It must get confusing too with so many different languages that you speak, because I'm sure the sayings aren't the same in each language either.

Roula (12:45)
⁓ goodness, I don't know, but whatever language, I never say it right. So I'm glad you understood what I mean. All right, guys, this chaotic episode is just to create self-awareness. That's all.

Rosie (12:50)
I get it wrong all the time. I did.

Yeah, and essentially I'm boring. That's

what half the episode was. So let us know. What do you do when you're tuning out? All right. Bye. See ya!

Roula (13:03)
⁓ goodness, let us know. Bye!