123: Embarrassing Things We Don't Want to Share, and Here We Are Sharing Them with You!

Roula (00:00)
Okay, Rosie, after all this time, I started following you on TikTok, okay? And every day I'm going, what's Rosie is doing today? And for the first time, yesterday or the day before, I watched the clip given the tour of your bus, of your van. I did not know how your van looks like until I looked at it on TikTok.

Rosie (00:02)
Mm-hmm.

Yes!

all this time.

Yeah.

Roula (00:26)
So

now I know you're sitting on a bench with your folded table and your things on it.

Rosie (00:28)
You know, yes,

yes, you can picture where I am. I had never thought about that. I'm glad you kind of have a picture. And I am planning to renovate the van. I want to change the layout. So I'll have to give you a personal tour when I do that.

Roula (00:42)
Ooh,

okay. I like the cabinets you built for your storage because you were downplaying them, but they're actually super good. They look awesome. Yeah.

Rosie (00:51)
They're very practical, yes. I

was worried they wouldn't stay attached to the wall or the ceiling, but we're good. I have been on bumpy roads and they're sold as, so let's keep it that way. In the van, yeah, yeah. I love it, it's my little home.

Roula (01:02)
And you can stand so comfortably in there. Amazing. Cool, cool. ⁓

beautiful home.

Is there something, is there something you cannot do you won't do and you're embarrassed that other people would know about it?

Rosie (01:23)
ever.

Can you give me an example? I'm not sure I'm following. Is there something I can't do that I would be... ⁓ like I'm not able to do something, you mean?

Roula (01:46)
Yes, yes, and you don't want anyone to know because you find it embarrassing that you can't do that thing.

Rosie (01:51)
⁓

Roula (01:53)
I'm opening Pandora's box on myself now.

Rosie (01:55)
Yeah, yeah.

Well, this has come up before. don't, I'm, I'm embarrassed about not being able to dance, but I'm owning that. You've seen my dancing videos on TikTok. I'm beginning to own that. It's like, so what? What else am I embarrassed about?

I'm not sure I have deep dark secrets like that. I am embarrassed that I can't sing well. But most people know that. Because it doesn't stop me from singing. You've heard my singing.

We need something juicy. Have you got any?

Roula (02:34)
I do have one that is really important and I cannot do it or I don't want to do it. And I'm embarrassed about it. And that is swimming.

Rosie (02:38)
Mmm.

Okay.

Yeah, right.

Roula (02:53)
I'm embarrassed to say that I don't swim, even though I learned how to swim at an older age. I've always been scared of the water. My sister and brother always scared me from the water. Even though we spent our summers on the sea shore, like for three full months, never have been scared to swim. When I became a teenager, I was embarrassed.

Rosie (03:01)
Mm.

Yeah.

Roula (03:23)
to say that I can't swim, so it was so big in my head that I didn't swim. And I developed fear of the water. And now, ⁓ it's something that, shit, I live in a country full of water.

Rosie (03:24)
Mmm. ⁓

Yeah.

Roula (03:41)
Well, okay, so I open Pandora's box, whoever's listening and know me now knows that I suck at swimming and I am terrified of swimming pools. I go in the sea and I jump with the waves and I do things that you hardly believe I cannot swim or I'm afraid of swimming because I can but I'm afraid. ⁓ But I just can't swim in a swimming pool. I find this terrible.

Rosie (03:55)
Yeah?

Yeah.

Wow.

Can I ask a question? I want to understand this. What is it, or do you even know, that is so scary about swimming in a swimming pool versus the ocean? Because it sounds like you're a lot more comfortable around the ocean.

Roula (04:27)
With both I'm scared of drowning. I'm terrified from the idea of drowning.

Rosie (04:30)
Yeah, yeah.

Roula (04:35)
And the swimming pool, I don't know. It feels for me, I have no control because I don't know when it's going to get deeper. And it all looks not deep. And then suddenly it's deeper. But in the ocean, I feel like I have more control over it. It's crazy, right? I cannot understand how this is happening.

Rosie (04:44)
yeah.

Mmm.

That is crazy, yeah. Wow. It's

brilliant. Would you say it comes down to safety because you feel there's so many unknowns with the pool? Yeah. Wow.

Roula (05:03)
Yeah. Yeah.

When I, when I, when I decided to go on a first vacation with my husband, ⁓ that was in 2012, we were still freshly dating and so much love. I was like, my goodness, we're going to the beach for, for a resort to a resort for two full weeks. So I got my shit together and I went to classes.

Rosie (05:11)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

wow, so how old were you then?

Roula (05:34)
Okay.

I don't know when my 30s, late 30s. Yeah.

Rosie (05:38)
in your 30s. So before

that you hadn't yet learnt how to swim, is that right? Yeah, that would have been so scary in your 30s gone shit. Okay, I love this guy so much. I'm gonna put myself through this terrifying experience and learn how to swim like, whoa, wow.

Roula (05:43)
No, no.

Yes, yes. But

then then I got to I mean, I went I learned a little bit. We went on vacation, didn't notice anything. ⁓ Came back and I shut down. I couldn't continue. I was terrified again. And I stopped stopped swimming. So when we go now on vacation, I do go in the water and

Rosie (06:11)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Roula (06:19)
whatever, but don't tell me let's go on a boat and I don't know, all the fun water things. don't do that. And I find this super embarrassing.

Rosie (06:27)
Yeah.

Wow. Thank you for telling me. Yeah.

Roula (06:33)
And I'm sharing this because

I really hope someone else would share also the same. I feel so alone.

Rosie (06:37)
Yeah, I mean I,

there's got to be other people, definitely. Did you, have you, did you have experiences as a teenager? Because I feel like the fear of judgement as a teenager is so huge. Were you, like did anybody ever find out you couldn't swim and was there a negative experience there?

Roula (06:58)
No, with my friends it was never negative experience, never, never, never. I remember one time there was, they didn't believe I cannot swim because I was like so tough and etc. They said, there's no way on earth you cannot swim. So they pushed me in a deep water.

Rosie (07:01)
Okay.

Yeah.

Roula (07:18)
that just pushed me and I wasn't equipped with any mental capability of saving myself and then a friend saved me.

Rosie (07:19)
Shit.

Wow.

Now wonder you're scared of water. ⁓

Roula (07:31)
Well, the friend

who saved me, I had super crush on him, so I'm so glad they throw me in the water. Anyway, they started a romantic adventure. what a positive twist to my fear of swimming.

Rosie (07:34)
Ooooo

Mmm, worked out all right then.

That is a positive twist,

yeah. I must say, you seem so calm talking about this. Like, are you? Yeah.

Roula (07:56)
I'm sweating, I swear. I'm

so embarrassed. ⁓ I'm almost going to tell you, maybe I won't publish this episode.

Rosie (08:05)
Yeah, well, I guess we'll find out if you're listening to this Roula has decided to share it. And I think we need to send her some messages of encouragement and praise because it is scary sharing these things. Some of the things we share on this podcast, sometimes they go, my God, who's going to hear that?

Roula (08:07)
Ooh.

Rosie (08:29)
Yeah, I'm so grateful you shared that and I'm a bit sad I can't think of anything as meaningful to share because I'm sure there must be something. ⁓ here's one. I know you don't like it when things get a bit dark, but I want to share this one and we don't have to make it dark. Something I am embarrassed about, but I have become much more open talking about or trying to.

Roula (08:38)
Don't be sad. Do you go on roller coasters?

Okay.

Rosie (08:59)
is that I have a history of self-harm. I am, I can feel my heart going now, I am terrified of people learning this because it changes how they see you.

I think often in a negative way.

Roula (09:19)
Maybe we both don't want to publish this episode.

Rosie (09:23)
We'll think about it.

Roula (09:24)
Are we ready

to put ourselves so much out there?

Rosie (09:28)
In this moment, yes I am, but I guess we will think about it. This is scary. Listeners, this is scary. I think Rul and I are both sitting here now and we're going, ⁓ should I have said that? Should we publish that? Should we do this?

The way I see it is this podcast, yeah, it's lighthearted.

but it is meaningful and I think a big part of why I enjoy it is it makes me feel less alone. And when I hear from listeners, it really means something to them. We got a message from, I think it was from Shell talking about the episode where we spoke about freedom and it really resonated with her. I thought, wow, we've touched a life there. So maybe, maybe.

Roula (10:15)
Freedom.

Rosie (10:24)
This episode will resonate with some people. We're not here to shame anybody. think own your narrative and, and Roula and I have the right to say, no, we don't want to share this anymore. And so listener, do you, you control who you share these things with. Don't feel obliged to share it. Well, no, we'd, we'd loved, we'd love to hear it, but yeah.

Roula (10:45)
And you don't have to share anything with us on this episode unless you really feel it.

Rosie (10:51)
Only if you would find that to be liberating, yeah. This has been an interesting one.

Roula (10:52)
on your own terms. And you know, Rosie,

both are have a positive twist because I get the attention from the person I had a deep crush on from this drowning experience. And you stopped cutting.

Rosie (11:00)
Mmm!

You did.

Yeah. Yeah.

Roula (11:16)
⁓ Probably you wouldn't talk about it if you're still doing it. I'm talking about it and I still don't do it.

Rosie (11:21)
This is true. But you can swim now. That is

an interesting one. Yeah, if we were still, yeah.

Roula (11:29)
But as you said, you said something so true and resonated with me. People will see you in a different way. And I also feel like people will see me in a different way. Like I'm stupid or weak or I don't know what kind of judgment.

Rosie (11:33)
Mm.

Well, let me tell you right now, Rula,

I do not see you as stupid or weak. You sharing that has just confirmed what a brave, confident, strong woman you are. And this is why I am friend. One of the reasons I'm friends with you because you're so open and honest, even when it's terrifying and embarrassing.

Roula (12:05)
On this note, I have to open my bottle of cognac and have it have a I cannot open it

Rosie (12:10)
You can have some

cognac! This is getting serious! This is the first time!

Roula (12:14)
No, I'm not.

I'm going to train. I'm not going to drink alcohol, but I thought that's such a moment to have like glue glue glue glue.

Rosie (12:21)
or are you

just pretending?

Roula (12:23)
I'm doing this and then my husband told me don't do that. It means something bad. Naughty. But I didn't. OK. Rossi, you also you also shared something super crazy, crazy, crazy. I think it's shocking coming from you. But you know what? Thinking of the episodes we recorded about hardship and.

Rosie (12:25)
I'm so confused.

Moving on, yes.

Mmm.

Roula (12:53)
Yeah, you never know what's going on in life of someone no matter what generation they are

Rosie (12:56)
You don't.

Yes! Say that again.

Roula (13:01)
You don't know what's happening in the life of someone, no matter what generation they are. And our past does not define our present. Fuck it.

Rosie (13:06)
mic drop.

Fuck it, that's right. Dear listener, let us know your thoughts. We love you, we care for you, you're worth it. If you feel like sharing something embarrassing, you can. If not, that's okay too. It's your choice.

Roula (13:24)
We understand that's a tough one. Thank you so much for listening.

Bye!