163: Can Generosity Go Too Far? Balancing Giving and Receiving

Roula (00:01)
Third episode under the six minutes. Well, we failed the one before, but we're going to try to make this one work. Close, very.

Rosie (00:06)
We were, I mean, we were close. First one, we crushed it. Second

one. Let's see how we do this one.

Roula (00:13)
I love it when you say we crushed it. I should use this word more often. I love it.

Rosie (00:17)
Yeah,

crushed it.

Roula (00:31)
Rosie, I have another topic. I'm like on a streak of small topics. ⁓ All right. So here we go. We encounter in our lives, generous people. They're so generous that it's almost impossible for us to pay them back their generosity because they're quicker than us, because they don't want us to do so. And how does this make you feel when someone is being generous with you and you're not?

Rosie (00:35)
You are, I love it.

Roula (01:00)
able or finding the opportunity to pay it back to them. Look at my voice. I'm like, we're so passionate. Can you tell me your thoughts on this?

Rosie (01:05)
Whoa.

You are!

This is something I feel we've touched upon in episodes.

Roula (01:16)
Do you have to make these sounds?

Okay. ⁓

Rosie (01:19)
What sounds? Am I being too up and down?

Sorry, you just got put up with it. You can't see me. Is that what's making it weird? No, I was saying before you really interrupted, I think this is something we've touched upon in episodes where we're talking about where we, you know, do we pay money back and is it rude when someone says no? And it comes back to this concept of owing somebody. It's like we feel

Roula (01:26)
You

Rosie (01:53)
We have to level the playing field. If you are being incredibly generous with me, Rula, I automatically feel, okay, how can I pay it back so we're even? But that seems very transactional. And I think a better way to look at it is through the life of your relationship, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship. I would like to think things balance out. And one person in the friendship might

be generous through money. The other person might be generous through their time or acts of service. But what I think, like that's important to me, but also what is very, important to me is that people acknowledge my generosity. Don't just take, take, take, because that feels like I'm being used. I want you to acknowledge it. Not because bow down to me, I'm better than you.

Roula (02:45)
Mm.

Rosie (02:52)
No, just acknowledge it human to human. Wow, thank you so much. And I say, you're welcome. I wanted to do it. ⁓

Roula (03:02)
Don't you think that not not okay when someone is being a generous and even acknowledging it is good to acknowledge that someone is being generous. Don't you feel that at a certain point there must be some some kind of leveling otherwise you feel that you're being given too much.

Rosie (03:24)
Yeah. Yeah.

Roula (03:30)
And you don't know what to do with this feeling.

Rosie (03:33)
That's true. And I think that's one of the reasons why some relationships end, because it's one-sided.

Roula (03:44)
Even in a good thing, you know, what I think if someone is really generous, it's also nice for this person to give the other one every now and then the opportunity to do something in return for them. And in appreciation so that the level of comfort remain ⁓ good and strong.

Rosie (03:44)
I think it is important.

So would you need to ask the other person to do this generous thing or how would that work?

Roula (04:12)
No, if the other person, you know what happens also sometimes that if someone act of service of money or whatever, being generous, they really go out of their way to not let you pay back or do the service back, etc. And it's good for this generous person. Yeah, the generous person should step a little bit away from their generosity and say, OK.

Rosie (04:26)
So we need to cut that out. Is that what you said?

Roula (04:38)
let me allow this person to give me something because this will make them also happy. As much as I'm happy being generous and given, the other person needs to feel also this happiness to giving me back because they appreciate me and that's okay. Just feel what I mean. You can put it in much better words. You have two minutes to put it in better words.

Rosie (04:54)
Mmm. Mmm. Totally.

Can I though? We have two minutes. I think we got less than two

minutes, minute and 10 maybe. ⁓ Yeah. It's like when you offer, you go out for dinner and you might say to your friend at the checkout, hey, this one's on me. Let me get it for you. And then there's this whole, no, do you don't have to do that? And then you're fighting to pay like, just accept it. ⁓ thank you so much. I'll get the next one. Or something. I don't know.

Roula (05:27)
Yeah, and yes, yes. ⁓ I do have a person in my life occasionally when I see them that they do so much, so much, so much. They're quick. Like if I express a desire, then they do it. They bring it. They get it. ⁓ And sometimes it's too much for me because I stop expressing these desires.

Rosie (05:45)
wow.

Roula (05:54)
First, they're taking away from me the chance to do it myself. And second, maybe I want to give it to them, but they don't give me this opportunity. And this make an imbalance. The bottom line is that if you are generous, this is like the best thing in the world. And it's nice to have someone else treating you also with generosity. Take it, accept it, love it. That's what I want to say.

Rosie (05:55)
Right.

It's a two-way street.

And what I want to end on, because we can't discuss it, is have a think about where your desire to be generous comes from.

Roula (06:32)
Hmm, good one.

Rosie (06:35)
Thank you. See you in the next episode. That was perfect!

Roula (06:38)
Thank you for listening.

Bye!