181: How Overplanning Will Ruin Your Day, and Why "Playing it by Ear" Might Be The Answer

Roula (00:00)
Rosie, I'm going to ask you something.

Rosie (00:01)
Mm.

Roula (00:06)
that I bet we all experienced it.

Rosie (00:11)
⁓ That's a big claim. Okay.

Roula (00:12)
Okay.

Tell me about moment time place where you had the perfect day in your head and the reality was absolutely the opposite.

Rosie (00:40)
This is like those posts you see on social media where it has two photos, the Instagram version and then the reality version. Have you seen those?

Roula (00:48)
Yes!

True!

Rosie (00:56)
So I like hiking outdoorsy kind of things nothing hardcore, but just being in nature going for a nice walk and

This was several years ago when I was in a relationship and my partner knew that I liked doing these things. So she ⁓ arranged on my birthday for us to do one of my favorite hikes, go for a swim and then go out for breakfast at one of my favorite places. And it was like, ⁓ in my head, I'm like, this is going to be the best birthday ever. That's, that's all I Well, we rock up to the place for the hike.

not even like 50 meters in and she's complaining. my feet hurt. it's too hot. the hand. So we got maybe 15 minutes in and I said stuff it. We're just, we're leaving. Like this is, you're just being annoying. This is ruining it. I'm not enjoying this. We're going. So we left. We had food, ate in silence and I don't even remember the rest of the day. It was that crap. That's, that's an example of like the dream versus reality.

Roula (01:50)
⁓

Yeah,

now that you're saying this, it reminds me when I celebrated my 51st birthday last January. The perfect day I prepared for months because I celebrate my birthday and everybody can like I have always every year a theme. And this year was the 90s.

Rosie (02:01)
Mmm.

I remember.

Yes. ⁓

Roula (02:18)
And I prepared a music list, the food, what we're going to wear, decorated the house. We're so excited. Everyone's coming. I can't wait to listen to music. So we dance and we eat.

By eight o'clock, the invitee was expected at 8.30. At eight, I sat on my couch and I was like, I'm so fucking exhausted. I just want to go and sleep.

Rosie (02:36)
Okay.

⁓

Roula (02:46)
and I couldn't get myself out of this tiredness. Everyone came. Everybody was having a great time except me. I just couldn't hear the noise, the music I didn't like because it's not my playlist. I don't know whose playlist is this. I was tired, could not have a conversation with anyone. I couldn't. And then...

Rosie (02:51)
Mmm.

except you.

Yeah.

Roula (03:15)
When it ended, I was, what the fuck just happened? I planned it and it seemed so nice because every time we celebrated such a nice party and I couldn't take it.

Rosie (03:21)
Yeah.

⁓ it's almost like we put so much thought and planning and time into thinking about how great it's gonna be. That by the time we get to the real thing, you're either exhausted or things don't go to plan. So when it doesn't go to plan, you're really disappointed. It's almost like we're setting ourselves up for failure. Like have you ever planned something and it turned out as amazing as...

Roula (03:52)
Disappointment.

Rosie (04:00)
as you thought it would? I don't have an answer to this, have you? You have?

Roula (04:02)
Yes,

I'm sure I have. I also don't have. Well, no, my 50th birthday. Well, it's a milestone. That's what I remember. ⁓ Yes, it was even better than how I organized it and imagined. Yeah.

Rosie (04:10)
Yeah?

Mm.

Wow. So

what do you think was different compared to your 51st? Like obviously that different birthday is different theme, but how did you do it differently? Why do you think it turned out so well?

Roula (04:32)
⁓ Okay, I was very clear on the topic. I was passionate about the theme. The theme was extraterrestrial.

⁓ I was very clear on the topic. I really liked it. I adored the playlist that we played.

It was really something I'm passionate about this music. And I think I had a nap in the afternoon before it all started.

Rosie (04:54)
Mmm.

Yeah, so you... Yeah... Maybe you were too caught up in... Yeah... Yeah...

Roula (05:02)
I was looking after myself. You know, it's my 50th birthday and I, yeah, so I took care

of myself. This time I didn't. But to talk about something else than birthdays, yesterday, for example, Monday, I dread Mondays and I have a plan in my head that Mondays I leave them empty. I don't plan anything because after the weekend and the whole week,

Rosie (05:15)
Mm.

Roula (05:31)
Monday is my only recovery day that I chose for myself. I like it to be my recovery day. So don't call me, tell me you're sick, you need my help. Don't call me, tell me ⁓ you need me to pick you up. Leave me the fuck alone. Monday, I cannot do anything. But life happens and I can't say no to really like my kids need me. My son is sick. And this for me on Monday is very inconvenient, even though I do it.

Rosie (05:34)
Okay. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, leave me the fuck alone basically. Mmm.

right.

Right.

Roula (06:00)
I'm not saying I'm being bitchy

about it, but just I on Sunday imagine my Monday is going to be my rest day. And yesterday, well, on Sunday, my husband told me, why don't we go to have a walk in the morning on Monday morning? I didn't want to say yes, because I was scared I will say yes and that something will happen and it it won't go the way I wanted. On Monday morning, I woke up and I said, yes, let's go for a walk.

Rosie (06:25)
Mm-hmm.

Roula (06:31)
So we went for a walk in the nature and I felt, yes, this is how I want my Monday, at least until I pick up my son from school, because then we get busier. So when a moment I wake up till two o'clock, yeah, I want to have these hours for me. You know, so, yeah, yesterday it was a good day to answer your question as for. Hello, come back to the topic.

Rosie (06:41)
Yeah.

okay, yeah, yeah, okay.

What a nice way to start the day, but isn't it interesting, and I can relate to this, that the night before you didn't really want to commit to it because you didn't know how you were going to feel the next day. I can relate to that.

Roula (07:09)
Yes.

And I try not to imagine the perfect day, but I can't help but doing it sometimes.

Rosie (07:21)
⁓ Yeah, and then when it doesn't turn out like that you just upset about it.

Roula (07:28)
I stopped being upset. used to be passive aggressive and upset about it. Yes, resting bitch face, resting bitch tongue, all of it. But yeah, I matured in this way. Like it's my shit. No one has to deal with it. Yes, it's my plan. My perfect day planning. Yeah.

Rosie (07:32)
and resting bitch tongue type stuff. Yeah.

Yeah right! You don't project it onto everybody else.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓

Roula (07:57)
But I do try to ⁓ be open for what's gonna make my day imperfect without feeling annoyed and shit about it.

Rosie (07:57)
Yeah.

run.

Yeah,

for me, it's almost like if I try to make it too structured and control it too much, that's when I get disappointed and it doesn't really live up to it. But then if I don't plan anything, sometimes what can happen is...

you don't enjoy it at all because you didn't spend the time to think about what you're going to do. However, sometimes they're the best days because you have no plans and then it's just a wonderful day. It's just spontaneous.

Roula (08:44)
Absolutely. I have someone

in my life and I love her dearly. She's my niece and the first time I heard her telling me this. So I was asking her, what are we going to do tomorrow? We were making plan for whatever. And she said to me, I don't know, play it by the ear. I mean, if she's listening to this episode, she now know what I thought because I didn't tell her what I thought. I was like, we'll play it by the ear. What the fuck?

Rosie (09:09)
Alright.

Right, right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Roula (09:14)
We have to know what we're going to do. We need some planning. Play it by the ear. This doesn't work for me. So all this was going in my head.

But in reality, I learned this from her. So I might not use the expression play it by the ear, but I learned that sometimes it's just awesome to go somewhere with no plan and explore whatever. Yes.

Rosie (09:26)
Mmm.

Be present, yeah.

This is true. it's hard, right? It's all about balance. I don't think there's a recipe to make sure you have the best time ever. Balance, maybe.

Roula (09:49)
No. True.

The only recipe is to control our reaction and emotion. And I'm saying this to myself.

Rosie (09:56)
Yeah, that's the only thing we have control over, how we respond to things,

Roula (10:02)
Yeah. Well,

today so far, it's still morning for me as the usual listeners know. It's been perfect. We recorded five. This is the fifth episode and we've been having so much fun. So yeah.

Rosie (10:07)
It is.

Yeah, like

I was feeling rubbish today and I was like, ⁓ you know, it was just like, I'm tired. And then you message seeing how I am. And I was like, I told you I got gluten, but then I was like, in my head I'm like, actually, this is gonna be good for me. It'll get me out of my funk. And I was right. I didn't plan any episodes or topics. I didn't envisage what today would look like. We just got on.

and I had a fucking hoot. It was great. So thank you, ruler.

Roula (10:48)
I had a blast. Really, recording this five episodes was so much fun. And I think the listeners, I hope you will feel also that we're having fun and we want to hear from you. Let us know. Share either on TikTok @rosieandroulashow or on our website. Let us know what you think about whatever topic we talked about. We want to hear from you.

Rosie (10:56)
Yeah.

Yeah, or maybe you have a totally

different topic you want us to talk about. Let us know that too.

Roula (11:12)
Yes,

we would love to hear from you. Thank you for listening. Bye.

Rosie (11:15)
Alright.

Bye!