193: The Art of Letting Go: Moving On With Age and Experience

Roula (00:01)
Okay, Rosie, sorry for the interruption. I'm back and I'm ready for your question.

Rosie (00:10)
Now, hang on, I don't know where I was going with that. ⁓ Roula I have a question for you and it's inspired by a comment you left on TikTok, because you've been doing an amazing job posting like little reel type things. They don't call them reels on TikTok, but whatever, you know what I mean. And a recent clip was about an episode we did where I spoke about iced coffee I had and it made me react.

And I commented on this clip, I said, I'm still salty about this. And you, Roula said, the art of letting go comes with age, says the Gen-Xer in front of you. And I just read that and went, ⁓ rolled my eyes. It's like when people say, respect your elders. went, for fuck's sake. And then I thought, actually, maybe Roula has some wisdom to share here.

Roula (01:04)
Before that, why did you roll your eyes?

Rosie (01:05)
You

because it was like you were talking down to me, like, it will come when you're older, know, older and wiser. Fuck ya.

Roula (01:16)
And what if this is what I meant? What's wrong about it?

Rosie (01:19)
It's annoying, it's condescending, like well that's not very helpful to me.

Roula (01:23)
Don't you think that when you get older you get more life experience and you deal with things differently?

Rosie (01:30)
Yes, but do you think you let go of things better now that you're older?

Roula (01:48)
definitely. Yeah. And I think it comes really natural. I do mean it that it could come, not probably for everyone, depends how you are molding yourself. I think it comes natural because I don't know what is it, Rosie. It's something

Rosie (01:49)
Really? Really?

Yeah.

Roula (02:17)
makes you, maybe saying choose your battle is a big thing, but something makes you choose your peace and your comfort. And that really comes with age. And I'm not saying the older you are, the wiser you are. No, it just comes when you've seen it, you know the consequence, then you take a different decision.

Rosie (02:23)
Mmm, it's true.

Mmm

Roula (02:42)
Just like, you know, when teenagers, already see where their decision is going to go because you've been there. And then you want to tell them, but they won't believe it because they're not there. They have to learn it.

Rosie (02:46)
Yeah

No, yeah, you can't. So here's

a follow-up question. And I know, like I know you well enough to know the intent you had commenting it. You weren't doing it to make me react. But that's one of the things that ticks me off. Go listen to that episode, by the way. But here's my question. I'm wondering if it really does get easier or if you are now better at it.

Roula (03:21)
No, I'm definitely better at it. Nothing changed. don't have... No, yeah, when you're better at it, it's easier. So when I can let go of things, I have less anxiety... anxiety... less anxiety, less ruminating in my head. I sleep better. I'm not so restless during the day because there is something annoying me on my mind.

Rosie (03:23)
But is it easier? Yeah, yeah,

Mmm.

Roula (03:50)
And all these things... Look, situation will not change. How people react will not change. What people decide to do, I have no control over it. And I can't change the world.

Rosie (04:02)
Yeah.

What? What?

Roula (04:07)
change how

I feel about things. Yeah, that's a good one. I mean, I can't change the world on my own. Let's put it this way.

Rosie (04:10)
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and I

mean, it's, I think a big lesson for me over time is concentrate on the things that are within your control. There is so much that isn't within our control. But the reason I ask the question, are you better at it? Is that what you meant? Or is it actually easier? Is because for me, I don't know if I do find it easier. I think I'm getting better at it. ⁓ Definitely.

I can think of a couple of examples actually where I found it quite easy, but some things, man do I find it hard to move on. I am a ruminator. I naturally am a ruminator, but I'm more aware of it, so perhaps...

I'm trying to think how much older you are than me. like 18 years from now, perhaps. I will look back and go, easy. I can let go so easily. ⁓ water off a duck's back.

Roula (05:12)
Okay.

You know, Rosie, what are the things I still ruminate on and I can't let go on off? The things that probably caused me some trauma or caused me they did something with me, with my psyche that I can't let go off. Even, even not necessarily big event I'll give you an example. ⁓ we had this conversation yesterday, my husband and I, there are a few things.

Rosie (05:20)
Mm.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah right, a really big event. Yeah. ⁓

Roula (05:45)
that I'm so anxious about that I can't let go off. And that's for example, when my... It's a crazy example. You know, we have here a lot of swimming places with... How do you describe it in English? I only have the words in Dutch in my head. ⁓ Big swimming pools with slides and water parks. And they are inside...

Rosie (06:08)
Mm-hmm. like a water park. Mm-hmm.

Roula (06:14)
they get very very crowded to a point that I don't feel safe there, I don't go. So my husband takes our son and go. And whenever he wants to go there, I'm so anxious, I can't let go of the thought of danger in my head. And these are things I can't let go of because there is something in me that wants to seek safety that whenever there is something that could be danger in my eyes,

Rosie (06:17)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Roula (06:44)
I can't let go of it. And no

matter how old I'm getting, I find that I can shut my mouth so I don't ruin it for them, but I'm not feeling less anxious.

Rosie (06:55)
Yeah, yeah, and that's like a visceral reaction. I think this conversation we were more meaning things like if somebody pisses you off rather than just letting them take up room in your head and you know, holding a grudge. You learn to let go. But yeah, I'm glad you gave that example because yeah, letting go looks different for different things.

Roula (07:08)
Mmm.

Yeah.

you learn to let go.

But even holding a grudge, if someone said something that I have a trauma from it, and I don't mean trauma like this big thing, but maybe someone said something that in the past someone hurt me with it. It triggers me. yeah, maybe I wouldn't say I hold a grudge, but I would ruminate on it. And I want to say something back. And I want to like revenge myself.

Rosie (07:28)
Mmm.

It triggered you, yeah.

Right.

Roula (07:52)
Win something out of it. Yeah.

Rosie (07:52)
Mmmmm

Yeah, I'm glad you're not perfect then. That makes me feel better.

Well, thank you, O-wise Gen-Xer. I think, yeah, you're probably right. I just had a, ⁓ fuck yeah, comment in my head when you said that. I'm like, here we go. Because I can't force myself to get older. I'm like, ⁓ come on. ⁓ But from that, we had this nice little conversation. So actually, thank you.

Roula (08:24)
I'm glad we did. Yes.

Any wise question for our listener, Rosie? You're so good at this.

Rosie (08:26)
Me too.

What's your advice on letting go? Do you have something you do that really helps you move on, move forward, just leave it in the past? I wanna know, I need your help.

Roula (08:48)
Yeah, I love it. Leave it in the past. How do you do that? Thank you for listening. Bye!