237: Is it Gross To Kiss On Public Transport? Talking About Public Displays of Affection (PDA).

Roula (00:00)
⁓ okay, I have a fun one.

Rosie (00:02)
Okay, okay.

Roula (00:04)
I do have a fun episode, hopefully. It's playful, let's do this. Okay,

Hi Rosie.

Rosie (00:25)
Hey Roula ⁓

Roula (00:30)
Yeah.

I missed you. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I was in the train the other day and the train was packed. OK. And suddenly out of nowhere, we're almost getting to the next station. And this couple came out. ⁓ I'm sitting in the area where the train doors are, because I don't like to sit in the crowded wagons.

Rosie (00:33)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (00:56)
But they

came from the crowded wagons and they stood in front of us and we're like crowded there. They stood there and they started kissing.

Rosie (01:05)
Ugh!

Roula (01:07)
And, okay, Roula would think, let them do their thing. And at the same time, Roula was thinking, but we're all here standing, you know, waiting for our station. Do we have to watch you kissing? What do we do? Do we look? Do we look away? Do we give instructions? Do we give an opinion? What do we do? You know, what do you think about kissing in public? What is this? And this was like,

Rosie (01:27)
Yeah, it's awkward. Yeah.

I mean, if

it's, yeah, if it's like a really passionate, intimate kiss and it's going on and on, ⁓ that makes me feel uncomfortable. why, sure, you love each other. That's fabulous. But actually you're making me feel very uncomfortable. If I was on a crowded train and they're just there eating each other's faces, my goodness, I would have opinions.

Roula (01:37)
as public as it can get.

I really think they were eating, they looked like they eating each other's faces.

which does not give me a good idea that they're good kissers anyway. And everybody, we even the people avoided, we avoided looking at each other. You know, it's so awkward. And I'm sure everyone, no, I'm not sure how can I be sure? Or I just shut up. I wonder how many were thinking like me, go get a room or wait. Okay. You're saying goodbye. You're, each one of you is living at a different station.

Rosie (02:07)
Yuck. Yeah, no.

Roula (02:34)
You're kissing goodbye. But this is passionate and taken so long and I'm watching it. It brings me to the idea before I moved to the Netherlands. ⁓ I had a friend who lived a little bit in Paris and she used to tell me, ⁓ in Paris, they just kiss each other everywhere they go and, you know, they walk hand in hand and they kiss in the restaurant, they kiss. So she's telling me that the Paris culture couples, they kiss in public all the time.

Rosie (02:45)
Mm.

Roula (03:04)
And I came to the Netherlands. It doesn't happen this much here. It happens, no, Dutch people, don't like to show off their love in this way in public. And one day I was new here. I was with my ex. And I laugh at myself because I feel so silly. I also wanted to kiss him in public like I heard about.

Rosie (03:04)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (03:32)
So I approached him and I wanted to kiss him and he was like no we're not doing this here in public

At that moment, I was so confused because but we're in Europe, we're in Amsterdam. I thought we can. I didn't think you're so prude or conservative for me. It was just weird because I really wanted to kiss the public. In the end, I'm glad we didn't because it means nothing. I don't know. Does it mean something?

Rosie (03:53)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

It means nothing. What do you mean it means nothing? To who? Yeah, well, yeah. I don't know. It's true.

Roula (04:10)
Kissing in public? What am I trying to prove?

Yeah, well, at that I think I like it. Let's say a couple is standing and their hand slide. Okay, never slide to the penis or to the boob. It flies to the ass most of the time. And this is kind of acceptable. Isn't it? It is acceptable that his hand slide to her butt, but it's not acceptable that her head slide to his. My son is in the other room. I don't know if he's hearing me.

Rosie (04:36)
Yeah, but who... It's... Yeah.

Probably we're being loud. ⁓ But who's it down to to decide if it's appropriate? I don't know. I think a certain type of butt touch is probably going to make me feel very uncomfortable. Depends how they're doing it.

Roula (04:59)
Yeah, if they

squeeze it, if they like pinch it, that feels that's that's also too much. It's it's like kissing each other faces. It happens a lot that the hand slice on the girls or a woman's bum. I see this so often happening. Yeah, but I it never bothers me. I think it's cute.

Rosie (05:02)
Mmm.

Just bloody hold hands, hold hands, hug each other. Just for goodness sake, that'll do.

⁓

Really? Yeah. Well you get out more than me though.

Yeah, yeah.

Roula (05:27)
But the kiss

bothered me, I thought it's like come on, this taking so long. Enough.

Rosie (05:32)
Yeah! Get

it over with!

Roula (05:36)
So what do you think, Rosie, about affection display in public? now I have the question after all this talking.

Rosie (05:44)
Yeah, sorry. Yeah, after all that. ⁓

Yeah, there's a line that gets crossed and it starts becoming uncomfortable for the other people around the couple showing the PDA, Public Displays of Affection. Yeah, that's it here, PDA. Do you have an abbreviation like that over there? Or acronym, PDA? Well, yes, Public Displays of Affection.

Roula (06:04)
ETA.

No.

But it's

a real one. You didn't invent it.

Rosie (06:17)
It's a real thing over here. PDA. Yeah, no,

this isn't a rosaism. This is actual common knowledge over here.

Roula (06:22)
So it's in

your culture that they even have an acronym for it.

Rosie (06:26)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Roula (06:29)
How? Tell me, tell me. Why?

Rosie (06:31)
⁓

I don't know the origins or who came up with it, but yeah, PDA. And I think some people are more comfortable with it than others.

are it shits me like the whole snogging each other in public like especially in a crowded place when you're in close proximity to them. ⁓ I don't want to be part of their intimate moment. I didn't consent to that. I don't want to be part of it but you're making me part of it.

Roula (07:01)
And you can't say anything. It's like they're free to do this, but you're not free to tell them, have you kissed enough?

Rosie (07:07)
Well, maybe we should start telling them.

Yeah, you're making me feel really uncomfortable. Can you stop please? I'm curious what the reaction would be because I'm sure most people on that train would have been feeling the same as you like, my God, I don't know where to look. I can't look at other people. When is it going to end?

Roula (07:28)
most people would not say anything because they feel it's such a private, you know, it feels such a private moment that we are not, it's we're not in a position to break this private moment, even though they're doing it in this public place. Yeah.

Rosie (07:34)
Yes!

Mm-hmm. What gives them that right though?

And then we don't have the right. Okay, what if Roula, you're maybe in the city center, you're walking somewhere. So, you know, there's a fair few people, but there's space, it's outside. And what if a couple are doing the same thing? They're making out, maybe leaning against a wall as you're walking past. You don't mind that.

Roula (08:03)
I don't mind that. It's

space. I can choose where to walk. Either I walk in front of them or I take the other street. I am free to avoid them or not.

Rosie (08:10)
Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll probably give an internal eye roll like, ⁓ but yeah, I can move on, right? I'm not stuck there. They're not going to see the eye roll, but in my head, I'm just like, ⁓ God, really?

Roula (08:16)
⁓

You would give them an internal aisle! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK, I do. Listen, to a certain extent, I don't mind the PDA, the public display of affection. It's nice. mean, holding hand is a PDA. Holding the shoulder is a PDA. You know, there are so many kind of PDAs that are nice and like there's nothing nicer than walking with your loved one or your partner or holding hands and hugging.

Rosie (08:40)
Mm.

Well, true. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Roula (09:01)
And it's, I mean, I'm not saying we should not do this. It's quite, ⁓ it makes me feel that the world is all right.

In a way, when I see affection around me and wherever I go, I feel that the world is all right. Just in a small space where I'm obliged to look away because otherwise I don't have anywhere to go, that I feel a bit, a little bit gênant, gênant, awkward, annoying.

Rosie (09:14)
Bye.

Mmm.

Roula (09:37)
And I wonder if next time I'm going to say something when I see such thing.

Rosie (09:37)
you

⁓ I want you

to. I want you to and I want all the juicy details. Yeah. What makes you think this is okay?

Roula (09:43)
I would be asking a question. I would be asking a question. No,

I would ask them, you think it's okay? Do you find it okay that we say I'm uncomfortable with what you're doing?

Rosie (09:59)
Yeah.

Roula (10:02)
If you're free to have this kiss, you think I'm also free to tell you it's time to stop? I don't know, something.

Rosie (10:08)
I want to know how someone would

react to that. think that, yeah. I think the two main responses would either be that'd be very embarrassed or you'd be starting a fight.

Roula (10:19)
Yeah, well, I make sure I'm very close to the next station so that when the doors open, I will just jump and run out.

Rosie (10:23)
Yeah

Have like a

person in front of you as a body shield. Yeah, peek around. Exactly.

Roula (10:30)
Like, so what do you think? And I put that person back in front of me.

Rosie (10:38)
yeah, I think for me, I making out, passion, snogging, whatever you want to call it. It's more than just a simple kiss. very, it feels more sexual, right? And to me it's more, that's not that it's gross, but in public it kind of, I don't want to see that. didn't, I didn't click on the porn website and want to see this. Like what? Go, go somewhere else.

Roula (10:38)
you

Yeah. And if you really want, if you enjoy it because we're looking, then let us know. Then we look. Then I won't look away. If that's a turn on for you, please let me know. So I don't have an argument with you. Then I understand you're doing it because you want us to look.

Rosie (11:17)
God.

Mm-mm-mm.

I'd

have issue with that as well, but anyway, that's it.

Roula (11:29)
Yeah, well, on this day, when I was in the train and this happened, the we call it Conducteur who comes and check the tickets, came and checked my ticket and I gave this person a compliment. And this person offered me on his QR scan a free coffee.

Rosie (11:39)
Yeah, conduct, try and conduct it, yeah.

Mm.

Roula (11:55)
Said yeah, well, because you're a nice passenger, I'm gonna offer you a free coffee for next time.

Rosie (12:02)
Wow, I'd be handing out compliments like crazy. That's really nice. That's nice.

Roula (12:04)
Yeah.

See?

It was really nice. And it would really be nice if people would buy us a coffee from our website, rosieandroula.com Give us a free coffee. We like that. Yes. Thank you for listening. ⁓ Yeah. Let us know.

Rosie (12:18)
Give us a free coffee.

It'll make up for all the PDA on the train. Yes, thank you. Let us know your thoughts on PDA.

Yeah, I don't want people snogging next to me. I'll just go away.

Roula (12:38)
Not in the train, but if you're snogging on the street, I don't care and I don't mind. Have fun.

Rosie (12:43)
still going to bother me, but at least

I can walk away and choose not to be next to it.

Roula (12:47)
I

don't know why Rosie is bothered. Okay. We're going to end this because I need to dig into why she's bothered. All right. Thank you for listening. Bye.

Rosie (12:53)
I'm leaving.