26: Everything Happens For a Reason

Roula: [00:00:00] Oh, this is terrible. What? Somebody's calling me and this is like a Pick it up. No! Oh, why? It's just fucked up our session. Oh, you shouldn't have said anything. You didn't hear it? 

rosie: No. 

Roula: Shit. I hear it all over the place in my headset, because my WhatsApp is on the computer. 

rosie: You should put your thing on do not disturb.

rosie: I have created a focus mode called recording a podcast and all notifications are turned on. 

Roula: I do. I do have it. And I forgot because it's so 

rosie: early. So you were distracted not listening to what I was saying. That's what happened. Can we 

Roula: repeat? Do you know where you 

rosie: were? Well, I don't know when you stopped listening.

Welcome to the Rosie [00:01:00] Show. Marba. Good day.

rosie: My question. . You ready?

rosie: Everything happens for a reason. Agree or disagree?

Roula: Everything happens for a reason. Huh. 

rosie: Um, I disagree. Agree or disagree? Disagree. Yeah. I wasn't sure. It sounded like a combination of both. Yeah. Confusing 

Roula: you. 

rosie: It was sort of like, you didn't say the dis loud enough. I'm like, wait, did she say agree? Tell me, why do you disagree? 

Roula: We should take responsibility of our decisions, our actions, the outcome.

Roula: And if we say everything happy for a reason, what is this reason? Then this reason is what leading me to that [00:02:00] result, to the action. It's interesting where your mind 

rosie: went. It's interesting where your mind went. You're talking about accountability. Where my mind goes is what happens to us. Things that we don't have control over.

rosie: For example, you grew up in a war zone. For example, I lost my dad in a freak accident. I'll tell you why. Hey. Have 

Roula: not. You tell me why. Yes. I'll tell you why my head went into accountability. Yeah. I don't dwell on anything that happened to me. That's why I don't feel like, Oh, what this, what about, 

rosie: what about when you tell people about some of your difficult experiences, have you ever had someone say everything happens for a reason?

rosie: Maybe the divorce, 

Roula: but not the war, but not the growing up in the war. Hmm. 

rosie: Okay. It's just, it's something that pisses me off. I disagree with that. Everything happens for a [00:03:00] fucking reason. Piss off. That makes me angry. What 

Roula: freaking reason could be losing your parents? 

rosie: Yeah. Fuck off. What are you like? I don't care what lesson I've learned from that.

rosie: If I had a choice, I would not have that happen. That's what riles me up, you know, I take it a bit personally and like, I think we learn a lot through these difficult experiences. We do. And we grow as people and grow stronger. But did it happen for a reason? 

Hmm. 

rosie: I don't think so. That's saying there's someone out there going, yeah, I'm going to do this.

rosie: I'm going to cause this trauma to that person. 

Roula: How horrible is that? Hold on. I want to repeat the sentence. Everything happens for a reason. No, doesn't make sense to me. I love you. I like acceptability. Me too. Yes. And I [00:04:00] like that whatever happens, it's, it's how we wanted it to happen. About things in our control.

Roula: Okay. Right. Okay. Things that are out of our control, there couldn't be a reason. Right. Couldn't. Yeah. It's out of our control. Life and death, birth, you know. It's almost like when people say that or when 

rosie: we believe that, we're trying to, um, make ourselves feel better instead of confronting what actually happened to us.

rosie: That's what I think. And it couldn't be 

Roula: everything. Maybe if they want to change the saying to some things happen for a reason, not everything. 

rosie: I just say scrap the reason, the saying. No, I don't like it. And the accountability piece I think is important and some people really don't like it because I think there's, we should have [00:05:00] accountability when we get ourselves into situations.

rosie: Okay. I'm going to give an example. This is just, it's a fairly extreme one. This isn't, yeah, it's easier rather than beating around the bush. And this is on my mind because it was a recent episode on my podcast. Domestic violence, nothing, nothing makes that okay. Let me preface it with that. But why is it that many people who experience domestic violence in a relationship, why do they find themselves over and over in similar relationships?

rosie: It's very common 

Roula: thing. And how do you relate this to everything happen for a reason? 

rosie: No, not everything happens for a reason. Fuck no. Accountability. 

Roula: Oh, accountability. What? 

rosie: Yeah, what role are they playing in that?

rosie: This is not saying [00:06:00] it's their fault, but it's saying you need to own up that you're playing a role in this. Why are you letting yourself be attracted to these people and put yourself in that situation? You are a strong person. You've experienced shit things. You deserve better. I

rosie: so I'm saying there's accountability for some shitty situations we find ourselves in. And I use the example of people who are in abusive relationships and some of them, there's quite a large proportion, find themselves in multiple relationships one after the other. We're in an abusive relationship. As a fine line, because some people are going to accuse me of saying you're victim, victim shaming.

rosie: No. Yeah. No. Definitely not. Because never, ever, ever is abuse okay. Ever. 

Roula: But there's a role to play. Do you agree? Yeah. Well, it looks, it's like you're reading my thoughts sometimes. [00:07:00] Ooh, how spiritual of you. Is it? Oh God. Yes. 

rosie: Reading my thoughts. God. Listen. You're spiritual. There is something. 

Roula: Something happened.

Roula: So my daughter had an interaction with someone and that someone was very rude and aggressive towards her. And then when they apologized. She accepted it and appreciated them again. And that brought me to the idea, if we don't teach our kids that just an apology is not enough, we will let them go back to the abuse again every time someone apologizes.

Roula: The thought on my mind is that I don't want my daughter to be in an abusive relationship and thinks it's okay because that person apologizes. Yes. Because as a mother of daughters, [00:08:00] this fear of abusive relationship is so big. I'm not saying that guys don't get into abusive relationships, they also get in there.

Roula: Just the physical abuse for girls is very scary. I agree. To go back to what you're saying, if someone is in an abusive relationship, they are a victim, and they leave, but they keep going into these abusive, or go back to the same relationship. What I think is, when they were a victim and left, they were not constant and strong enough to work on themselves to stop being a victim.

Roula: There is so much playing in this. To go back to the example of my daughter, I told her, you must ask that person who abused you verbally and been aggressive, well, after they apologise and when it's gone, you must ask them, how are they going to do it differently next time so they don't hurt you? [00:09:00] 

rosie: But even more than that, because abusers will say, yeah, I'll do better next time, I'll do this, this and this.

rosie: Yeah. You hold them to account. If they don't follow through, that is it. You draw a boundary, but also you don't even have to ask them that if they say, sorry, and you go, yeah, thank you. But that's not okay. And I don't want you in my life anymore. That's also okay. 

Roula: That's also okay. That's, that's, you know, everyone should do things to protect themselves and accountability is waking up.

Roula: when it's bad. Right. Yeah. No one can help them to wake up. They have to wake up themselves. 

rosie: That's the hardest bit. I find that really hard as an onlooker. 

Roula: Yeah. So everything happens for a reason is for me very much about accountability. Yeah. 

rosie: I like that. 

Roula: You know, this recast maybe to, and I [00:10:00] really want to put a note here because when hashtag me too.

Roula: came out and I'm still thinking, what is our accountability in this matter? How are we doing things in life to avoid putting ourselves in bad situations? 

rosie: Oh God, we're going to be ruffling some feathers here, Rula. Yes. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm getting nervous. No, you're right. Well, that's on the episode list.

rosie: Yeah. You love it. You love it. You want to start a fight. Yeah. I love something like this. All right. Let us know what you think. Does everything happen for a reason? Rula and I call bullshit. It's more about accountability. 

Roula: Planning, accountability. The like, so many things, but not for a reason. You always have to have the last word.

Roula: Seriously. Bye. Bye. Can I say bye? Bye. [00:11:00] Bye. 

rosie: No, I don't want to have the last word. No, I'm being playful. I'm being, I'm being playful. Yeah. I, I like it when we end on a, like a high note. Oh goodness. 

Roula: Just, you heard my feelings and now you're saying you're being playful.

rosie: If you got a kick out of our conversation today, can you pretty please hit the follow button and share it with another opinionated person? This is the easiest way for you to support the show. It also gives Rula and I the motivation to keep going. I have to 

Roula: stop you there. Stop telling people what to do.

Roula: If they like to follow the show and share it, it's totally up to them. Guys, please, can you help us follow and share the show? Thank you so much. See you next 

time.