42: The Silent Judgment of the School Pickup Zone

Roula (00:00)
It was my turn to throw some passive aggressive comments.

Rosie (00:03)
mmm

passive aggressive

Roula (00:19)
I have different colors of lipstick so I see that it's...

Rosie (00:21)
You do. It's

nice. It's less contrasty, but it's nice. Yeah. Less bold. Yeah.

Roula (00:26)
That's what I'm thinking. It's not

really... Hold on.

Rosie (00:31)
Are you feeling less vibrant today?

Roula (00:34)
because of the lipstick? Yeah, I'll tell you why. So when I go and wait in front of the school, I feel like I'm very present with my red lipstick.

Rosie (00:35)
Yeah, yeah.

Roula (00:47)
And but this is not a reason to change my red lipstick because if it makes me happy and this is what I want, I should do it. I must not care how people feel, but maybe they don't even fucking notice it. It's just because no one is wearing makeup or lipstick. Of course, they're wearing makeup. It's very normal. No one is wearing lipstick from the other parents. And I am. So I'm standing there waiting for Liam. Yeah.

Rosie (00:52)
Right. No.

Yeah.

You're feeling self-conscious. Mmm.

Roula (01:17)
But this doesn't mean that I will not wear lipstick, even if I'm getting self-conscious.

Rosie (01:21)
So you changed

it because you were feeling self-conscious. That's it.

Hey, there we go. That's the ruler I know. That's the bright red.

Roula (01:30)
yes

I started thinking maybe I should start looking for a different color that is not this much red which is nice I also wear not red but yeah red is it's for me right

Rosie (01:44)
It's you. It's signature ruler. Yeah.

Why? Well, let's talk about it. Why are you in your head about what the parents and teachers think about your red lipstick? You have worn this shade for years, right? Yeah.

Roula (01:59)
Yeah, yes,

years. I think it's the change, the new city, the new people, the different styles. It's, you know, I come from Amsterdam and Diemen, where people there are just, they don't give a shit. They are who they are. And in a way here, it is the same because it's a smaller place.

Rosie (02:18)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (02:27)
It feels more like a village.

Rosie (02:29)
Mmm, everybody knows everybody.

Roula (02:32)
In a way, not truly, not really, but in a way. And I'm the new person, so not only everybody is new for me at the school, we got a school plane. I'm also feeling that I'm new there. No one knows me. And suddenly there's this woman standing there with this bright red lipstick. Like, who the fuck is she? Why is she wearing lipstick at two o'clock picking up her son?

Rosie (02:34)
Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm.

This doesn't sound like you at all!

Roula (03:01)
But they don't know that I wear my lipstick

at even eight o'clock in the morning when I'm preparing my coffee.

Rosie (03:09)
Fuck

them, gosh. You're letting them dampen your, like, your spark. I don't like this.

Roula (03:17)
yeah some days some days it's just like that i don't know if it's related to hormones or how i'm feeling the moment i talked about change and i think sometimes change hits me in these areas then i become more self-conscious about what i'm doing and how i'm representing myself because i'm out of my normal place

Rosie (03:25)
Mmm.

Mmm.

Hmm. So you're kind of trying to fit in, do you think? Because you're trying to... No?

Roula (03:48)
no, no,

no, no, I'm too old to try to fit in.

Rosie (03:54)
But you changed your lipstick colour, but you didn't want to.

Roula (03:56)
not to fit in not to fit in i

change my lipstick color so i don't okay i never said this about myself out loud because but i don't want to be there here i am with my red lipstick i want it like to be in the background and i'm not someone who who goes to the background because i don't care you know it's forefront or background

Rosie (04:05)
Mm.

Yeah.

Roula (04:24)
I like everyone to be also in the forefront. I don't know, I'm rambling. I don't know what I'm going with this.

Rosie (04:27)
Yeah.

I don't think you know

why you changed the color. That's what I'm getting. You don't know. This is like, you're having a midlife crisis or are you too old to call it a midlife crisis? You're 50.

Roula (04:34)
No. That's it!

And this is when

when you're 50 you don't care about fitting in anymore when you're 50 like you just fuck off But it's not

Rosie (04:49)
Well, clearly you do. You do. You do. You just fucking changed your

lipstick. So you went into the background. You were not a background person. You're bold. You're ruler. You're not, hey, look at me, me, me, me, me. But it's, I feel like your energy is just like, I'm me, I'm proud. Take it or leave it. Fuck you.

Roula (04:59)
Mmm.

This is my energy. Yeah. No, no, I mean people who knows me and knows me well and I trust might not say that it's me me me. No, it's not me me me on the contrary. But with how I look and my lipstick and my gray hair, it's something I'm proud of.

Rosie (05:24)
No, I don't think so. No. Yeah, not at all.

Good. Well, can you go back to wearing the bold red to school place? If that's what makes... Oh, good. Good. And you just pout. Put some more on as you stand there waiting for Liam.

Roula (05:41)
yeah, I will! At 2 o'clock I'll be there with my bold red lipstick.

No, no.

That would be that would be really like very rude actually Fuck off. Why are wearing standing here? Okay, so these are behaviors that are It's funny because when you want to be noticed you would do these things But I do want to wear my red lipstick and not necessarily being noticed because I'm wearing it for myself

Rosie (05:57)
It's not real!

Mm. Right.

Mmm.

Roula (06:23)
Don't publish this episode because I don't know where I'm going with this. just by mistake talked about the lipstick.

Rosie (06:26)
No, I like it. I like it because Roula's confused. Ruler is

confused everybody. You usually have a very strong opinion and you're confused. It's a midlife crisis. Own it. You're like a high school, you're a high school child. You don't know what you're doing. It's okay. there there.

Roula (06:34)
Mm.

No, no, it's not the midlife crisis.

It's not a... no, it's not.

It's a school... What do you say in English? School plane? Like where the parents wait outside to wait... No, not the playground.

Rosie (06:49)
peer pressure.

Playground,

just a waiting area? We don't really have a name for it. I know what you mean, yeah. We'll call it the school plane, that works.

Roula (06:57)
Now, okay.

Yes,

this is the place where all kind of parents are there. And hear me out, OK? This is also the place where these children of these parents are coming out. And you know from your kids, this is the bully, this is the nice, this is, you know, their children tell you about these kids and then they come outside and their parents are there. And it's not being judgmental or whatever. It's human nature.

Rosie (07:25)
Yeah.

Roula (07:33)
The most uncomfortable place to stand is waiting for your child to come out of school. You're surrounded by all these strangers. You don't know them, but you know things about their children. And what you know about the children make you wonder, do they know these things about their kids? Whether they're good or bad? How are they raising their kids? What kind of people are they? And this is the school, the school plane.

Rosie (07:46)
Yeah.

Mmm... Yeah, yeah.

Roula (08:03)
Yes, so it's not the 50s crisis. It happens that I'm in my 50s and still standing there with all these parents who are in their 30s, maybe 40s mostly.

Rosie (08:08)
Hmm.

I feel like being a parent, there's a lot of judgment. Hey, and you're in this area at school waiting for your kids. You know, all the deep dark secrets of the kids and what they've done and all the parents are looking at you. yuck.

Roula (08:25)
Yeah. And you know, parents stands in groups, like they have groups,

the parents, this group of these clicks. Yes. Yes. And for me, I noticed this because from the moment I moved to the Netherlands, I'm noticing these clicks and you're not welcome in these clicks unless some extraordinary event happens.

Rosie (08:31)
We call it clicks. Yeah.

Roula (08:52)
And it's not like you want to be welcome in these cliques or you feel left out if you're not in these cliques but they exist and they're around you and I will be a hypocrite if I say I don't notice them or I don't overthink them because

Rosie (09:06)
So

were you part of the popular parent group or clique? No? Woohoo! More power to you.

Roula (09:09)
No, no, no, no, I stand alone. I stand alone. And yeah, in

the older school before we moved, there were like a mom or two with chit chat. We have like really good chemistry. But no, I've never stood in a clique.

Rosie (09:30)
You're an independent woman.

Roula (09:35)
Not necessarily. No. It's more deep than that. Look, the parents here, know each other for years.

Rosie (09:44)
Hmm, you're the outsider maybe.

Roula (09:46)
Exactly and I think

Liam is going through the same. He tells me that their friends at school they know each other already for so long and he feels like an outsider and I feel the same too but I don't have the need to have friends like him at his age.

Rosie (09:59)
Hmm. Hmm.

Right. Yeah.

Yeah. it's tough. Right? What the heck, man? This turned into a really deep conversation, but I want to hear everybody's thoughts. Is Rula having a midlife crisis? I know she says she's not. School plane insecurity. It's peer pressure. It's like going back to high school. What rubbish.

Roula (10:07)
And that's come down to my lipstick story.

Or is it just school plane insecurity?

peer pressure.

Rosie (10:28)
Yeah, adults do it too. But I'm glad you got your bold red lipstick on, you go into the, what's it called? The parent plane. What did you call it?

Roula (10:39)
Plane? Schollplane?

Rosie (10:41)
School plan, that's right. Right. Yeah. Yes. Well, there you go. I like 50s too old for a midlife crisis. Don't people usually have it in their 30s or 40s? Let us know what you think, because we're talking too long, but this has been a fascinating 40s. You're in a three quarter life crisis.

Roula (10:43)
Yeah.

think 40s, 40s, yeah.

Yeah exactly,

I don't want to think about that please. I'm so worried about that. Okay, all right, all right. Thank you Rosie for digging into my lipstick story.

Rosie (11:05)
Let's not go there.

Bye!

Roula (11:15)
Bye!