44: Having Fun in Midlife: Why It Matters More Than Ever

Rosie (00:00)
yum, amandarin. Or do you call them satsumas? What do you call them? Yeah, good, me too.

Roula (00:05)
Never heard of that word? Mandarins? Even in Lebanon?

The Lebanon!

Rosie (00:16)
Now I want a Mandarin! It's not very fair. I can hear you pulling it apart. Eat it. Is it a good, is it a juicy one?

Roula (00:28)
I hope it's soury, because I don't like them when they're sweet. So let's see. yeah. OK, here we go. Here we go. You're ready?

Rosie (00:30)
You like them sour. Yeah, I like it in between, in between. And if they're dry, it's disgusting. I don't like that. Yeah, that bad. Okay. ASMR,

yep.

Roula (00:49)
Mmm! Mmm!

Rosie (00:50)
Yes, a good one.

If you haven't

subscribed to us on YouTube, please do because Rula's face right now, she's just an ecstasy. It sounds good. We do. So go listen to the episode about making sounds. Pretty sure you refer to it as orgasmic, the sounds we make when we eat.

Roula (01:04)
mmm it's so good i love it really we have an episode on this matter making sounds of happiness

Maybe yours, but not mine. My orgasmic sound is different.

Rosie (01:26)
Whatever. This is different!

What do they call it? Dirty 30, but you're 50. Dirty 50. Well, you're 51 now.

Roula (01:47)
yeah that's a good one because when you're becoming older it's like you're not allowed to enjoy these things anymore then everyone is saying it is all done you should not and while when you're older you have the time for these things

Rosie (01:54)
Right.

Yeah, life doesn't have to get boring, right?

Yeah

this is true.

You're in a cheeky mood today. No?

Roula (02:13)
It's you and Mandarin.

Rosie (02:15)
my god, you're having a second one.

Roula (02:17)
I'm

having another one. All right, This intro is an episode on its own.

Rosie (02:19)
Well, what are we talking about?

It is!

Roula (02:29)
Sorry guys, we're not able to think of a topic because the cemenderines are so good so we're gonna continue eating them!

Rosie (02:29)
Did you?

It's distracting ruler because it tastes so good

and it's distracting me because I want one.

let's go back. You mentioned it before, getting old and people think, you know, you just can't be flirty or sexual or have fun anymore. But you, you just kind of just throw all that out the window. You're one of the cheekiest people I know. Your life doesn't look boring.

Roula (02:41)
Wow. Yeah.

Absolutely.

Mmm.

Rosie (03:04)
UGH!

Roula (03:07)
No, listen.

I had this on my notes because I'm in this women group, midlife women group and Facebook group. And I hear I read so many of them like they don't know what to do.

The relationship is boring and they still fancy their husbands, but they don't want to have sex and they complain and complain and complain. And I'm like, before you have sex, go and have fun. Because if you are not having fun, how do you expect to enjoy having sex? And some of and I'm talking about women because this is a woman group. I don't know what it's about men, and I really would love to hear it from some men.

Rosie (03:25)
Mm.

Nice.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (03:53)
The thing also, they feel like they're like, no, I don't want to have sex because of this and this and that. he sits all the day on the couch and he doesn't have and how because you have not asked him because you have not had like some kind of agreement on who does what and empower each other. Because for women in midlife.

Rosie (04:04)
Mmm.

Hmm.

Roula (04:22)
It sometimes feels like we're doing it all. We want more, but we can't have more because we're already exhausted. But we should do less, delegate, share, have fun with our partners, do new things, have fun. And after having fun over and over again.

Rosie (04:33)
Yeah.

Have fun. Yeah. Yeah.

The rest will follow. Right.

Roula (04:48)
then yeah, the rest will follow.

And that's what I say to my husband after like a few weeks pass and we haven't done anything fun, he sees it on my face. No, no, I'm not continuing like this. We have to plan something fun because I feel that life, modernity and routine is sucking me in.

Rosie (04:59)
Mmm.

Hmm. Hmm.

Yeah. It does. It does suck you in. And then years can pass. And I think for a lot of people that happens and then they hit retirement age and it's like, well, I'm too old to have fun now. It's just the same old and then you resent your partner and always bitching and moaning about one another. Why are you together then?

Roula (05:35)
If they're not, if they're together just to do the practical stuff, then they should give each other a free pass to have fun outside. And this is a harsh truth, I think. If you're together wasting your years of fun and intimacy, so why? Why? What's the point? Okay, you have kids, you go through phases of life, and at certain point, where's the fucking fun?

Rosie (05:43)
Right.

It is a waste, yeah.

Roula (06:05)
There's no fun about, I mean, it's people might understand me wrong, but there is no fun about raising kids. It's harsh, it's hard work, it's worry. And yes, you're having fun with your kids and you're happy for them and to see them. But this is all have nothing to do with your personal satisfaction as a human being with your partner.

Rosie (06:12)
Mmm. Mmm.

Right, yeah. Yeah, and you're

talking about more than sex, right? When you say having fun. Yeah, exactly, yeah.

Roula (06:33)
Yeah, of course

you can have nice sex if you're not first having fun together and laughing. I'm eating and

Rosie (06:39)
Yeah.

We all need a little bit more fun. Stop being boring everyone. I think we're all guilty of it.

Roula (06:48)
I think I was four. Yeah.

What kind of fun you used to do with your partner?

Rosie (06:56)
like going out for adventures in nature. Like I like doing hikes or doing creative things or adventurous things. What's an example? Well, she said she did, but actually that was a lie. then years in the fun stops, right? And I stuck around for far too long because well, I guess, like you said before, we're just together for practicality on well, we're together now and that's it. No.

Roula (07:07)
Did she like the same?

Mmm.

Rosie (07:24)
Finally left and now I have fun with my dog.

Roula (07:29)
So how about this? Okay, when the thing we want to have fun are not the things our partners share, why don't we go and have this fun, like find a group who likes nature, do our fun personal thing somewhere with someone else in another group, and then come back home fresh.

Rosie (07:47)
You don't have to do everything with your partner. You're still your own person. True,

yeah.

Roula (07:55)
And when you do your own fun, you will have the energy to do other fun things that you share with your partner. Because if you're doing only the thing you share, it's also kind of your people pleasing. The partner is pleasing you, you're pleasing your partner. And this doesn't have to be this way. Do your fun things outside, the things that you can't share.

Rosie (08:02)
Hmm.

Because you lose yourself otherwise. You lose your sense of identity and self. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to do everything together. Some people seem to think that if you don't do everything together it's because you don't love each other.

Really?

Roula (08:40)
It's so inspiring to do things with other people and come back home and talk about them. Share, share these experiences because we get worn out from our experiences. How can we bring something new if we are not having fun elsewhere and like getting this information from the other people around or the activities even. I find it very inspiring to...

Rosie (08:45)
Right, yeah.

This is true.

Mm? Mm-hmm? Mm-hmm?

Roula (09:06)
do something with someone else and then come and talk about it. And even if I come back home and I see that there are, let's say, because let's face it, we can be very living the best life. But the big issue in a household are the household chores. Who's doing what? These are killing relationships. But when we have fun and come back, we have the energy.

Rosie (09:26)
Mm-hmm, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Roula (09:35)
to do things that we used to do every day and felt were fed up with them.

Rosie (09:39)
Yeah, yeah.

Roula (09:42)
what I'm teaching myself is to be less demanding on how the task should be done. We women want things done in a way and we only accept it that way. Yeah, and I say this because in this Facebook group that I am, I'm listening, reading from women who constantly complaining about what their partner is not doing.

Rosie (09:49)
Listen up a bit. Yeah.

Sounds like a bitchfest in there.

Roula (10:05)
No, no, no, no, it's about it's about raising teens and going through perimenopause. But you have a lot of women. She's so unhappy in their relationships because they are not having fun and only focus on the practical stuff.

Rosie (10:21)
That's boring. That's sad. But no one teaches us, right? No one teaches us how to, that we should be having fun. We're adults now. Grow up. You're at retirement age. Grow up. You gotta be responsible.

Roula (10:39)
It's nice to be irresponsible for one day in a safe way because you have to go back to your kids and to your house, et cetera. I did something crazy last Saturday, actually.

Rosie (10:41)
Absolutely! Safeway, yes, yes, be safe.

yes, let's hear it.

Roula (10:54)
Yes, so we were going to cover band for Linking Park, the band Linking Park.

Rosie (11:01)
Yeah,

yeah, yeah.

Roula (11:04)
I've seen them live because they don't tour this much. So we thought, OK, let's go to the cover band. I arranged a babysitter, but the babysitter could stay till 10 o'clock only with Liam. And Liam is a big fan of Linkin Park. Him and I, we sing their songs all the time. OK, so I went to the four program.

Rosie (11:11)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (11:29)
before the Linkin Park cover band. I watched it and it was 10. I'm like, OK, I have to go now. And my husband and his friend stayed there. So I came home and I said to Liam, how's your level of energy? He said, I told him, are you interested to come in with me to see a cover band for Linkin Park? He said, no, I'm tired. OK, but let's come together to bring the sitter back home. In the car.

Rosie (11:45)
You

Right, right.

Roula (11:59)
He said, you know what? I do want to go. That's it. I went home. I got for him like earplugs, clothes because he was in his PJ, got him online a ticket. It's just around the corner where we live. And we went there. We went there for half an hour. He's seen the most important things he want to see. He saw stage dive of the singer and like somewhere where we all have to go down and then jump. And I don't know. He also

Rosie (12:05)
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

Roula (12:29)
did that and then he told me he's very tired. So we went home and I felt this was the most fun evening that I had for ages.

Rosie (12:38)
Yeah! That's so cool! You're a badass, mom! I love it. Yeah.

Roula (12:43)
It was amazing, really.

So the next day we woke up and we were also energetic and talking about it and very happy because that was something unusual that we did.

Rosie (12:54)
Mm-hmm.

Roula (12:56)
I didn't care about him going to bed on time as I always do. I just felt like this is the right thing to do.

Rosie (13:03)
You had fun! Yeah.

Roula (13:06)
And we had fun. And

it gave me energy the entire week.

Rosie (13:10)
I love that so much. Moral of the story, go do more fun things. It makes life better. It makes your relationships better. It makes you feel better in yourself. Helps your kids have fun. I think it's infectious. We are nicer people. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Roula (13:26)
Yeah, and we are nicer persons when we have fun.

Rosie (13:33)
I need to go do something fun. I've been very boring lately.

Roula (13:37)
Yeah, that's the thing for you.

Rosie (13:38)
yeah, okay,

yeah, okay. Right, Rula thinks I'm boring. Lovely.

Roula (13:44)
No, I think you should go and do something fun.

Rosie (13:47)
Okay, all right. I will have to report back.

Roula (13:51)
Yes, ma'am.

Rosie (13:52)
Yeah

Bye!

Roula (13:55)
Alright,