53: Would You Pay To Attend A Wedding?

Roula (00:00)
So we're ready to record?

Rosie (00:02)
Yeah. Should we start with the one that you sent a voice message in on?

Do you remember it?

Roula (00:11)
Do you think it's gonna be a whole episode? Is it about the gift and marriage, weddings? Yeah, we can do that, wedding and gifts.

Rosie (00:13)
I do.

Mm.

I think we've got a lot to say.

Roula (00:23)
All right, all right, let's do this.

Rosie (00:24)
Okay,

Roula (00:36)
Rosie are you ready? Here we are. It's time! This is from the UFC. Bruce Buffer. Alright here we go. I have a question for you.

Rosie (00:38)
Are you ready? I think so.

you

my god.

Roula (00:54)
And I hope from your position as a guest you can answer and also from your position as probably future bride.

Rosie (01:02)
God. Yeah. All right. Okay. Thank you. Yes.

Roula (01:04)
You hear the sarcasm in my voice.

Rosie, I want to talk about wedding gifts.

I feel that wedding gifts are kind of outdated, they need to be rearranged, re-think, re-thought. What do you think about wedding gifts? So that's my question!

Rosie (01:31)
Well, weddings in general are very strange things. They're just very strange. And I think the gods agree with me, Mother Nature, because I don't know if you can hear it, but there is thunder in the background as soon as you started talking about this topic. yes, wedding gifts.

Roula (01:51)
Here's the thunder.

Rosie (01:53)
I think what a lot of people are doing these days is they say, you know, we don't want gifts, but if you'd like to give us something, just give us some money so we can start our future life together and yada, yada, yada. That seems to be a pretty common thing.

But I don't like, just, I don't get it because the bride and groom spend so much money on their wedding. I think the average in Australia is something stupid like $30,000. The average. That's a lot of money. I'll have to look that stat up again. Yeah. Like imagine if it's a Greek family or a, you know, Indian family where there's generally loads of people.

Roula (02:28)
That's probably a small wedding.

Rosie (02:39)
I know what it's like in Lebanon and they usually big weddings.

Roula (02:42)
Yeah, I must.

Rosie (02:43)
Mm, well, exactly. So it'd be expensive.

Must, yeah. So yes, I'm going around about the issue. Wedding gifts, Weddings in general make me go, eh. But tell me. Mm.

Roula (02:55)
Things that makes you go,

Things that makes you go, But this one doesn't make you go,

Rosie (03:00)
but it's not making me go, mm, no, it really doesn't. It makes

me go, bleh. But tell me, clearly this question came to your mind for a reason. So where did this come from?

Roula (03:10)
It came, well we're invited at a wedding and it's gonna be like an extravagant wedding and yeah the gift to request is an envelope we call it here in the Netherlands an envelope for their honeymoon and this is where it came I never thought of it this way

Rosie (03:16)
Mm-hmm.

Roula (03:35)
And it's not that I don't want to give money for the honeymoon. Of course I want. And it's better than giving them a useless gift because it's so hard to know what to gift for the newlywedded persons. And this is where I thought it's like when someone is having a big wedding, what is it better to ask people for money to go on honeymoon or just go on a honeymoon and make a wedding?

Rosie (03:40)
Right. Yeah.

This is true. Yeah.

Roula (04:04)
where maybe everyone would pay for themselves?

Rosie (04:09)
Hmm

Roula (04:12)
you pay the extra if there is an extra for the wedding? I'm brainstorming here because there is something illogical in it and I'm trying to make sense to it. Mind you, at my wedding, and please listeners, make sure when you laugh out loud at this moment you will not fall from your chair. Because my wedding list...

Rosie (04:26)
god, yes.

shit, okay.

Roula (04:41)
was in a clothing shop. So I shopped for clothes because yeah, because I thought I'm traveling after my wedding. So I don't want you to give me a kitchen aid machine or I don't know, a vase or a plate for the fruit because these are typical gifts in Lebanon. And in those days.

Rosie (04:48)
that was your gift registry.

huh.

Yeah, yeah.

Roula (05:10)
People will get you like a nice plate for the fruit. I wish I receive one now because I love these kids, the gifts at the moment. So I put my wedding, what do you call it? Registry at a clothing shop. Really quite nice. It's like for men and women. And my husband and I, went shopping and we took all these clothes with us when we returned to the Netherlands.

Rosie (05:16)
You're getting old, that's why.

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

I

freaking love that!

Roula (05:35)
But I didn't have a big wedding and I'm not justifying what I did. But I feel that asking for gifts for a wedding is legit.

Rosie (05:46)
Mm-hmm.

Roula (05:48)
But it's good to try to think, okay, how can we reinvent the wedding gifts? How?

Rosie (05:55)
Yeah.

Well, you know what? I think you were already doing it. The gift registry at a clothing store. I've never heard of that before. But how cool. You guys really wanted that. And it's, it's great.

Roula (06:04)
Yeah, and I wouldn't

go and shop this much for myself at once.

Rosie (06:08)
Right?

It's an awesome idea.

Roula (06:11)
So why is this better than asking for money for a honeymoon?

Rosie (06:15)
Cause is that money really going to the honeymoon?

could go on their groceries, which sure, okay, fine, but that's not very special. I mean, it's okay, I guess, but your, what you did sounds way more exciting to me.

Roula (06:18)
Hmm.

I really wonder what the listeners think of this.

Rosie (06:32)
for whatever reason.

But this whole concept, I want to go back, you mentioned what if guests paid to attend the wedding to cover costs. You know what I think would happen? About half the people wouldn't show up.

Roula (06:51)
that's a good point. That is a good point. We don't want to take this away.

Rosie (06:55)
and doesn't that say something?

Really though? Because if they're not willing to pay $50 to come to your wedding, do they really care about it? Do they care about you?

Roula (07:10)
This going to raise so many eyebrows like what they're inviting me to their wedding and I have to pay for it. So what's the difference of paying for it or putting money in an envelope?

Rosie (07:21)
Well, the my, mm.

Roula (07:24)
for those who

won't attend because they have to pay for coming to the wedding. Because when they pay to come for the wedding, they don't have to pay for the gift. It's over. That's it. That's it. They're paying, they're coming, they're joining. And everyone gets to have a wedding in a way.

Rosie (07:34)
That's it. Yeah. It's practical. It's pragmatic. I love it.

Yes, exactly. That's so true. I actually really like this idea. It doesn't sound very romantic, but it's extremely practical. I think a lot of people are going to hate this idea, but I actually quite like it. And I'm not like, if, I was the bride and I'm saying you have to pay $300 to attend my wedding, that's a pretty big ask. Okay. That is outrageous. So if you're wanting to spend that much on your wedding, you're probably going to have to cover most of that cost.

Roula (08:04)
That's an outrageous amount.

Rosie (08:12)
But if it was say $50 a person, I mean, I don't even know if that would cover it, but there's usually food at a wedding and drinks and a DJ and a photographer and all the things. I don't think it's a unreasonable ask for a contribution. And as you say, you don't need to get a gift then you don't have to stress about getting anything and the bride and groom or bride and bride groom and groom. They don't have to deal with getting a whole bunch of stuff they just didn't want.

Roula (08:39)
Do you think it's still happening that people gift stuff? It's still happening.

Rosie (08:42)
Yes. I

think so. I haven't, I haven't been to many weddings. Well, I have. I have been to a lot of weddings, but as a, I used to work as a photo booth operator. That's why I've been to a lot. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you judge me. That reaction. that's cool. that's cool. There are a lot of drunk people at weddings. I just, I don't get weddings because

Roula (08:56)
Photobooth operator, that's cool.

Yeah!

Rosie (09:10)
In Australia at least, they seem to be an excuse to get really drunk.

And that's kind of, that's what it is. Yeah, there's the ceremony, but what everybody looks forward to is when everybody gets drunk, dances. And usually it's the, really?

Roula (09:30)
It's so awesome.

Let's go and dance and feel. I feel it's a happy moment. I don't know about drunk. have. Goodness, when people get drunk, it's because I don't get this much drunk. I won't let myself get this much drunk because I just feel like shit. I don't feel like good anymore.

Rosie (09:35)
Or dance is okay, but get drunk? Yeah.

Mm.

Yeah.

Roula (10:00)
There is some kind of fun and a feeling of letting go of all your worries at a wedding. Everyone is there, drinking, dancing, having fun for those people who are getting married. And in these hours at the wedding, you truly forget your own sorrows, your own life. And you get to an age, you want a wedding just to go dancing.

Rosie (10:08)
Hmm.

Okay, okay, hang on, hang on.

Roula (10:30)
Because it's so hard to go out dancing. I don't know how about you in Australia, but it's hard.

Rosie (10:33)
So what's the point in a wedding?

What's the point in a wedding then? So your guests can dance. Like why put on a wedding?

Roula (10:42)
What else? A dancing party.

Rosie (10:50)
Confused!

Roula (10:51)
It's a celebration. Dancing is celebrating.

Rosie (10:54)
So that's why we have weddings, you think? It's for dancing.

Roula (10:57)
I don't

know. No, no, no, I don't know why we have wedding because people want to celebrate their love. My first marriage yet. But no, no, I like to go to weddings. I don't like to have my own wedding because it's stressful. There's no fun about it. So I feel.

Rosie (11:00)
yeah. Have you had a wedding? I know you've been married, but did you? Yeah. Okay. So why did you choose to have a wedding?

So maybe the wedding is more for the guests

than the people getting married.

Roula (11:21)
that's a good point. Wedding is for the guests because people getting married are exhausted.

Rosie (11:24)
And yet the bride and groom or

the, yeah, it's not the guest paying, but it's for them. And I keep saying bride and groom, but what's another word for it that's gender neutral? Word, married couple, right, the couple, I'll call them a couple. The couple are the ones that are paying for it or their family or however it works. But it really is for the guests because it's a celebration for them. And yeah, I guess it's a little bit about the couple.

Roula (11:35)
Married couple.

Rosie (11:52)
But it's kind of the couple putting on a big thing so their guests can have fun.

Roula (11:57)
Yeah, showing off. To showing off their wedding. Because we're not talking about small weddings. Small weddings are small. And asking for an envelope is legit because they already have a small wedding. And to celebrate and to dance and to have this great moment with their family, their friends. So what I'm talking about is big weddings.

Rosie (12:04)
Mmm.

Okay.

Mmm.

Roula (12:27)
because big weddings are for me for the show off.

Rosie (12:31)
Yeah, yeah. All right.

Roula (12:33)
And yes, it's

about celebrating, et cetera. But we end up how many how much stress come with a wedding? Do I invite this person? And if you don't invite that one, the other one would be upset. And then you have to. OK, have money to get a wedding planner.

Rosie (12:40)
Yeah... Yeah...

I just don't like the idea of weddings. just...

Roula (12:53)
And it's

a of stress. It's lot of stress. Weddings are good. They have to be a rethought. Rethought.

Rosie (12:57)
It sounds stressful.

Yes,

they do need to be rethought. They should be fun for everybody. Fun, not stressful, not costing the earth, just spending time with the people you love and care about. I think that's what's most important, but they have turned into this big, it's very performative, I feel, weddings.

Roula (13:24)
let alone how much the wedding dress is costing and that it has to be fucking white or broken white or whatever something in the white. Why? Why? And this makes it even more expensive because it's so specific. It's crazy. It's crazy. There are so many rules of wedding that have not changed. They're still the same.

Rosie (13:28)
God, yeah.

if

Yeah.

Mm. Mm.

Hmm.

bullshit.

It is bullshit, yes. Listeners, go out and break the rules. Let us know though, do you think it is acceptable to ask your guests to pay to come to your wedding? I say yes.

Roula (14:03)
and I also have another question. Does it always have to be a white dress?

Rosie (14:05)
right. No!

Fuck that! Isn't it meant to represent virginity or purity or something ridiculous? Isn't that where it started?

Roula (14:16)
I think so.

Rosie (14:18)
No,

wear what you want!

Roula (14:20)
No, wear a nice dress because if wear what you want according to you they will go wearing a t-shirt and this is something also I don't like.

Rosie (14:25)
If that's

what makes them happy, ruler, who gives a fuck? If they feel sexy in their shirt.

Roula (14:32)
If it makes you happy

It can't be that bad

Rosie (14:38)
So Rue was saying the fact it has to be a white dress is ridiculous. It's very traditional. And yet she says, no, you have to wear a nice dress, which again is very traditional. So you're a hypocrite.

Roula (14:51)
fudge.

No. I'm not a hypocrite. I just like dressing up.

Rosie (15:01)
Which for you is okay, but everybody should be able to make the wedding how they want it, I think. Let's just stop.

Roula (15:07)
my goodness, I must say I love it when you put me back in my place.

Rosie (15:13)
good. Gotta do that sometimes, you fool of shit. Let's cut it out now!

Roula (15:17)
my goodness, okay now let's cut it off because you're getting

out of line. Bye!

Rosie (15:23)
Alright!