65: Secrets - Are Some Things Better Left Unsaid?

Rosie (00:00)
I want to get a t-shirt actually with the Rosie and Ruler logo and we can wear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How cool would that be? Yeah. Good idea. I should do the same. Yeah. Okay. All right. Different colors or same color?

Roula (00:05)
Me too and this is what we wear every time!

Okay, I'm gonna do that. ASAP.

Rosie, following up to our last episode about white lies, I want to talk to you today about is it okay to have secrets?

Rosie (00:32)
Yes.

Mm-hmm

Whoa.

Roula (00:46)
Yeah.

Rosie (00:47)
And that's kind of related to a lie because if you don't share a secret you usually tell something else in its place which is probably a white lie or potentially a much more harmful lie.

Roula (01:03)
Or you might have a secret that has never been topic of a conversation.

Rosie (01:10)
Mm, this is true. So are secrets okay?

Roula (01:17)
Do you have

secrets?

Rosie (01:20)
Probably.

Because would I feel comfortable sharing every single little thought I have and every little single thing that has happened to me? Probably not. I don't have something that comes to mind about a very specific secret, but I'm sure if I sat down and thought about it, there probably is. And I think it probably, is okay to have secrets because some things should be private. And who decides whether or not is private is you.

Roula (01:52)
Private or personal?

Rosie (01:54)
What the hell's the difference between private and personal? What's the difference?

Roula (01:57)
There's a difference.

I think private, you can have some kind of information between you, your sister, your partner, your mother, and you keep it private between the two of you. Personal is something you are the only one who knows about. And that's for your person, to you.

Rosie (02:11)
Okay.

Okay,

that makes sense. I'm not sure I agree with the definition, but it makes sense. Well, I'm not sure. Unless you agree, you're making fun of... fuck yeah.

Roula (02:21)
I did not Google this. did not ask Chad GPT. It's just how I think of it. Why you don't agree? You're not sure you agree. That's such a cocky thing to say. I'm not sure

I agree because I doubt what you're saying. Explain to me why you're not sure you agree.

Rosie (02:42)
Because I have probably said to someone I'm going to share something really personal with you.

Roula (02:49)
And you said personal, you didn't say share something private. And you shared it in private with that person. So you share something personal in private with that person.

Rosie (02:56)
for fuck's sake. This is semantics, absolute

semantics. my God. Well, fine.

Roula (03:04)
I'm shooting

you with your own gun.

Rosie (03:09)
stuff

you. Yeah, I don't know. But okay, we'll use your definition for this podcast. secrets, but the definition is important.

Roula (03:12)
All right.

Rosie (03:22)
You done? Are you done? Yes, you done? Okay. So private is something that you share with maybe a couple of people you're close to, no one else. Personal is something only you know.

Roula (03:36)
I just explained exactly what I explained.

Rosie (03:39)
I

know and I just, I'm reminding the listener what your definition is, because that's what we're using. Yes. My dog is getting a bit upset. Have you got a secret darling?

Roula (03:42)
okay.

Tilly.

Rosie (03:53)
okay. So are secrets okay? Yes, but you need to be careful because keeping a secret might result in you telling big lies to people you love.

And that can be very damaging because usually these secrets come out. Tilly, she's just decided to sit in front of the camera. Love you, darling.

Roula (04:19)
us. It's okay,

I love Tilly Keep her.

Rosie (04:24)
We

love you. I'm keeping it forever. Look at my face and my ear and my everything.

Roula (04:30)
That's

so adorable She wants a cuddle Or she's telling you stop lying, stop lying, stop lying Rosie I personally think that secrets are necessary Necessary in our lives Necessary you pronounce it differently Necessary

Rosie (04:32)
She says you don't have secrets from me mama

Yes, stop lying. So many licks.

Okay.

Necessary, yeah, okay.

Necessary, necessary.

There you go. Necessary. Yes, necessary. Okay. You think they're necessary. Why?

Roula (04:58)
Not necessary, but necessary.

Yes. Because no matter who's around us in the world, our parents, our children, our friends, our partners, all these people around us, there are individuals by themselves. And I'm an individual. I can never be one with person. And when I'm one with person, this is when I don't have secrets. And this is impossible.

Rosie (05:29)
What do you mean one with person?

Roula (05:31)
I

can, you know, I might divorce, might not see my friend anymore. My kids would travel or stop talking to me. My parents would pass away. It's nothing is certain. And not having the secret, if you have a secret and you keep it to yourself, that must be acceptable because it's no one's business. When your secret is related to you.

If your secret hurt others, that's damaging, that's dangerous. So just like lies, there are different kinds of secrets. If you have a secret that you are, it can be a burden also, because your secret might be so heavy that you have to live with it. But they are necessary. They're necessary to protect ourselves. They're necessary to protect others. And they're necessary also to

Rosie (06:01)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Mmm.

off.

Roula (06:28)
Let's say a secret, you have a secret recipe. Why can't you have a secret recipe? And this is, look, this is a secret recipe is very common when you cook something yummy and someone else wanted, but you want to keep it a secret. Like if you share your secret recipe.

Rosie (06:35)
You can, you can.

Yeah. Yeah.

I've never had a secret recipe.

I do kind of judge people for that. Secret recipe. Come on, I'm not possibly going to be able to make it the same as you anyway.

Roula (06:52)
See? Yeah, that's why we're different.

But you're taking away from me the freedom to have a secret recipe by your comment. Exactly.

Rosie (07:03)
Yeah true. Why am I threatened by that?

Roula (07:09)
I know I have secrets.

Rosie (07:11)
Now I wanna know them.

Roula (07:13)
Are these

secrets related to my life now? No. Do they have impact on my life now? No.

Rosie (07:19)
Okay,

so in that case, you're saying those secrets are okay. But if you had a big secret concerning someone in your life now and sharing the secret would impact them, is that okay or not okay?

Roula (07:24)
Yeah.

Rosie (07:37)
Okay, let me give an example. That's very vague, isn't it?

You cheated on your partner. This is secret. You have not shared this with them. Is that secret okay?

Roula (07:49)
As long as the person is willing to take responsibility for sharing the secret, it's also taking responsibility. A person who's cheating want to share this, then they should be willing for the consequences. It might break the relationship or not. It might have different consequences.

Rosie (08:10)
But also the

other way is true, right? They need to be willing to accept the consequences of keeping that secret. There's always a price to pay. Yeah, okay. All right. So it's not a simple yes or no. Two-way street, yeah.

Roula (08:17)
Yes, exactly. It's two-way street. No, it's

not a simple yes or no. And sometimes we say to each other, mostly a romantic relationship. I'll never keep a secret from you. Sorry, honey. When I was watching porn in bed and masturbating, never told you this is a secret. This is also a secret, right? And then I came downstairs. Of course, I washed my hands and I cooked.

Rosie (08:30)
for fuck's sake.

You just let it out now! Yeah, right! As if you don't have secrets.

Roula (08:46)
It looked like I wasn't doing anything. That's a secret!

We don't have to go through big, big things. You did not expect that,

Rosie (08:57)
That was so funny. yeah. Well, secrets. There's always a price to pay as long as you accept accountability for choosing to keep it or tell it, then it's okay. There are always consequences. Some secrets.

Roula (09:12)
Also, if it's

good for you to keep it, keep it.

Rosie (09:15)
Right, don't feel guilty, but accept the consequences.

Roula (09:17)
No!

the wisdom from Rosie. Thank you Rosie for your wisdom. Alright darling, okay so you know if you have a secret enjoy it as long as it doesn't hurt others and let us know what you think.

Rosie (09:24)
Thank you for your funny stories.

Enjoy it.

I thought you were going to tell them to let us know their secrets. And I thought, well, that's a bit ridiculous. Unless you want to share your secrets, if you need to get one off your chest, we would love to hear it.

Roula (09:43)
No.

You know how we think people go on social media and share private things while people close to them don't know about? I don't want to be this kind of person. I don't want to ask people to share their secret.

Rosie (09:56)
Mm.

They can if they want to, or you're just saying, no, don't do it if they want to. Yes. No pressure. No pressure.

Roula (10:03)
if they want to. They can say

yes I have a secret or not.

Rosie (10:09)
Okay, sounds good.

Roula (10:11)
Bye!