69: Easy Going Avoiding Conflict?

Rosie (00:00)

You

Roula (00:03)

Rosie, Rosie, Rosie, here I am with another question for you.

Rosie (00:07)

you

Roula (00:11)

Hold on, I forgot which one it was in my list. Okay, listen.

Rosie (00:11)

You very sing-songy.

come on, come on.

Roula (00:30)

Some people, they look really like they're easygoing people.

But what's truly beneath the surface? Are they really easy going?

What did you say? No? No? In Australian? No? No? No? No? No. They're not easy going. Why do you... So, how do you know they're not easy going?

Rosie (00:46)

How? No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, it's a no. Yeah. No, no. Yeah, no.

Can someone possibly be easygoing about every aspect in life? How is that possible? I think that's just not possible. It be easygoing about some things.

Roula (01:18)

Yeah. But not everything.

Rosie (01:21)

No, surely not. I think it's a facade.

I think people want to be perceived a certain way or perhaps don't want to impose on others with their worries, thoughts, desires even.

Roula (01:40)

Wow.

So the easy-going people are actually protecting themselves and others, in a way. They're not easy-going.

Rosie (01:48)

Not easy going at all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so.

Roula (01:57)

But if you, when you are, I have seen, been with, talked to easy going persons and they also always left me unsatisfied.

Rosie (02:10)

Yes, because they just don't have an opinion. They're non-committal, don't you think? They just say, yeah, you know. Like, Rula, where do you want to go for lunch?

Roula (02:20)

Yeah, that's true!

Yeah.

Rosie (02:24)

Okay.

how are you feeling today, Rosie? Yeah, I'm all right. how did you feel about, how did you feel about what Donald Trump said in the speech yesterday? ⁓ yeah, doesn't affect me.

Roula (02:29)

I didn't hear the last sentence.

Yeah, that's true. are really,

Rosie (02:44)

whatever. fuck. Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. But I think...

Roula (02:44)

Are we being judgmental now because we don't believe that it's, which surely are.

Rosie (02:51)

We need a bit of judgment. Otherwise we're being non-committal, easygoing, just... whatever's. I gotta be careful with what I say here. Yeah.

Roula (02:56)

So.

Philosophically staying.

Being judgmental is not bad because it makes us think critically and see what's right for us, what's not right for us. We're not being judgmental to hurt others. Yeah.

Rosie (03:07)

Right.

Agreed. Yes. Yes. When judgment is wrong, yes,

exactly. And you're actually engaging in self-reflection as a way to be judgmental in a good and bad way, I think.

Roula (03:25)

Maybe, I mean, the word scares people, but who is not judgmental? How can we grow and decide on our friends and the people around us if we're not judgmental?

Rosie (03:27)

It does. Right.

Right, how do we decide what's important to us? How do we ever make decisions in life?

Roula (03:40)

Yeah. And if a person, I'm talking to a person who's so easy going.

Rosie (03:41)

How do we do the things we want to do?

Roula (03:48)

Okay, from I think from my life in Lebanon, it will feel like, this person is we say, khalis and aware that this person is stoned. They're stoned from from the smoking joints. Because I mean, if these things don't move them, they don't have opinion, they don't want to talk about it and everything is, yeah, that's fine. They must be stoned.

Rosie (03:56)

Hmm.

stoned. Ahhhh. That's like such a good way to put it. Isn't it?

That just cut off from reality.

Roula (04:20)

Who doesn't want to be stoned from now and then just to not think of anything?

Rosie (04:25)

Yeah, yeah. Let's go back a sec though. What does easy going mean? What's your interpretation of that?

Roula (04:28)

I'm not.

Yeah, easy going means for me that's an excellent question, Rosie. I really thank you for asking. It means a person who accepts everything, doesn't feel offended or the meaning of other affects them. They live their life like they have no problems. They just see the bright side in everything.

Rosie (04:38)

Thank you.

Mmm.

Roula (05:00)

kind of delusional about life.

Rosie (05:02)

That's a strong word. I kind of agree though.

Roula (05:06)

Like life for them is just one-sided, bright. But that's not life.

Rosie (05:13)

No,

is that one-sided? It's almost like just going down the middle. Like, I don't have an opinion. Just neutral.

Roula (05:25)

neutral neutral yeah so easygoing people might be neutral people they don't want to get in trouble by speaking up speaking out their minds yeah but don't do you think

Rosie (05:38)

don't want to create waves, be an inconvenience. But what about, yeah, oh, we're both just

jumping down each other's throats. You go, you go. What about people who we call resilient? Because often when we say someone's resilient, it's because they continue despite usually,

Roula (05:47)

Go ahead. No, no, you go.

Rosie (06:07)

really bad things happening or challenging things. So how's that different to easy going?

Roula (06:20)

Is it going feels like they don't feel the pain? Resilient, they come out from pain.

Rosie (06:23)

Mmm.

They feel the pain and they keep moving anyway. They just don't let it stop them.

Roula (06:30)

Yeah, at least

that's how it feels for me.

Rosie (06:34)

Mmm, I think I agree. Easygoing. I think some people see me as easygoing.

Roula (06:38)

And yeah.

Rosie (06:43)

I'll have to ask them what they mean by that.

Roula (06:46)

Don't you think in our lives we need these easygoing people? Does everyone have to have an opinion, have to have to be resilient and whatever, everything we talk about?

What's the benefit these people in the society? What do they bring?

Rosie (07:05)

Why are you asking

me difficult questions? Hmm. Perhaps it's okay to be easygoing about some aspects in life. But if I have a relationship with someone, friendship or girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever.

and I ask a question.

and they just say, don't know.

I get really pissed off. I'm like, no, well, what do you think about it? For me, if someone asked me a question and I don't know the answer, I'll say, you know what? I don't know. And then I'll start talking through it. I find those conversations so good. It's part of the reason why I love this podcast with you. We're forming opinions on the fly. Good and bad, suppose. So, hmm.

Easygoing, I guess, if it's only in some aspects, it's kind of like everything in life. It's balance. So I'm, I can't think of something top of mind. So what would be an example you can think of where easygoing is, is a good thing. There's got to be some examples.

Roula (08:22)

Yes, I mean, it's hard to define easy going. So I'm going to give you an example that might seem to fall into the spectrum of easy going.

Rosie (08:30)

Okay.

Roula (08:33)

So having a conversation with a person for many years about the topic, about men and power and power corrupt, et cetera. And this conversation always happened and I never, never was able to know what the other person really think. Do they like it? That power corrupt? Do they condone it? Is this the right word? Are they against it? And they want to see a change. So for years, I couldn't tell.

Rosie (08:48)

Yeah.

Mm.

Mmm.

Roula (09:02)

what the

opinion is And one day I discovered that this person hates so much men in power who's using their power to ruin the world. And when I

Rosie (09:17)

Mm-hmm.

Roula (09:19)

discovered that that is the essence of that person, I felt so comfortable and happy with this person to be in my life. Because before I was not clear on their stand. But also their stand. Not? That's not?

Rosie (09:29)

Mmm.

So that's actually not an example of easygoing being a good thing. No, that's an example

of easygoing being bad. Isn't it? Cause you didn't know the person. was a bit frustrating. Yeah. no, we were talking about a good thing. Yeah. No. Yeah.

Roula (09:45)

⁓ easy going being bad. Yeah. Where I wasn't frustrated. I was in

a way, in a way this kind of easy going answer about the topic that's fuel my fire, ⁓ made me think that that person actually doesn't have an opinion. And if they have an opinion, probably they support that power corrupts because, because they weren't straightforward with their opinion.

Rosie (10:10)

Yes,

we assume.

Roula (10:13)

and when they became straight,

I assumed. It wasn't clear. I don't know if the word assumed. They made me... They did not give me an answer and I did not ask for it. Actually, let's do this. Did I ask for it? I don't remember. Anyway, the moment I realized their answer is that they hate it and they wish they can do something about it, it...

Rosie (10:20)

You assumed,

and

You loved that. So they stopped,

⁓ you know what we might call this. Sorry, I was very intense then. Not sorry, actually, why'd I say sorry? Maybe what we're calling easy going in that situation is reserved. They're being very reserved, not sharing their beliefs on men in power.

Roula (11:00)

could be reserved. I love this word. So easygoing people could also be reserved to keep the peace. So we do need them because if everyone wants to have be opinionated, we just jump each other's throat. Correct.

Rosie (11:11)

Keep the peace. Mmm. It's not always appropriate, is it, to have a debate?

Mmm. Mmm.

Roula (11:23)

I'm gonna

say cheers to reserved people. We need you in our life. I don't know how I'm gonna use you without feeling upset and frustrated, but we need you.

Rosie (11:34)

We need you. I think, yes.

Roula (11:37)

Thank you so much.

Tell us, are you reserved or opinionated?

Rosie (11:41)

Easy going or not.

Roula (11:45)

want to know. Bye!

Rosie (11:46)

Yes,

bye bye bye!