25: Do We Ever Really Grow Up?

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Rosie Show. Marhaba. Good day.

rosie: Roula, Roula, Roula. My question. This is a question I had as a teenager. What do you think is the difference between an An adult and a teenager.

rosie: I am not going to give you any context. What comes to mind? Bless you.

Roula: Oh, all right. I have not heard anyone sneezing on a podcast. 

rosie: Well, we'll keep it then. It's a very quiet sneeze. 

Roula: For someone who was valedictorian asking me this question, I'm shocked. Why? Well, do we want to go into the, the, the development, the reality 

rosie: of it? If you want to, if you [00:01:00] want to be like that, you can.

Roula: Okay. Look, a teenager is a teenager till they're 25 until their frontal cortex is enlarged. is complete and they can make the right decisions, the bad decisions, bad consequences, et cetera. This is, this is the biggest, that's the science. That's the science. Okay. In normal life, we say, and we, they say, cause I'm not the we anymore.

Roula: They say, for example, in Lebanon is that when people turn 40, it's the new teenage phase. Oh, my gosh. Why? Maybe because now I understand why. Yeah, midlife crisis. Menopause? They had it maybe figured out. No, menopause is 50. It's, it's me now. Not for everybody. Oh, yeah. Not the majority. You're right. You're right.

rosie: Oh, really? I thought it was like early 40s for menopause, like when it starts, not when you, you've actually lost [00:02:00] your period, but when. 

Roula: It's perimenopause and you might not notice. Okay. I'm using the wrong word. 

rosie: I'm using the wrong word. Menopause is just 

Roula: one day. 

rosie: One day. 

Roula: One day. 

rosie: Well, it's when you've officially not had your period in a certain number of months, isn't it?

rosie: Right. Okay. That's a whole other episode. Indeed. Indeed. Move on. 

Roula: I'd like to think how awesome it would be to be an adult, a teenager with the wisdom of the adult, with the life experience of the adult. 

rosie: So is that the only difference? I'm talking about what you see in reality, not the science, not what we've been taught.

Roula: It's the same person. Um, with, with more life experience and, uh, skills, what did you 

rosie: think? I still haven't got the answer because the reason this question came up for me, I think I was [00:03:00] 13, I was sitting in the kitchen eating and my mum had a friend over and I was just, I was there. So I heard the conversation and they were talking about another friend.

rosie: And all this drama and arguments and blah, blah, blah. And I said, how are you any different from a teenager? Like that's bullcrap. That's ridiculous. Are you an adult or what? So in my mind as a teenager, adults don't engage in ridiculous behaviors like that. I'm not talking to you. Meh, meh, meh. But we do.

rosie: Definitely. And do adults make bad decisions? Yes, we do. Just because our prefrontal cortex is more developed than a teenager's, we don't always get it right. And some adults are just, they make some very reckless decisions. So, I think the biggest differentiating factor outside of the science talk is, yeah, it's experience, lived experience.

rosie: But, I don't think that necessarily makes adults wiser. [00:04:00] 

Roula: Oh, I don't think adults are wiser. in the way that we used to think when, like,

Roula: children who are young adult, even when they were teenager, okay, full of shit and full of bullshit. That's true. Though they have so much wisdom and new perspectives that as an adult have not looked at them. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. They don't, they don't, they, we as adults, we know what's going to happen in the 10 coming years.

Roula: They don't. That make us wiser. That make us know. Or does it just make 

rosie: us jaded? Because not everybody's journey is the same. What is jaded? I love this 

Roula: word. 

rosie: Um, cynical. Ah! I don't like this word.

rosie: I don't like cynicism. Because you just [00:05:00] said we know what's coming in the next ten years. Do you? You know what happens for you. 

Roula: What makes them adult is that when, as a parent, as a friend, educator, a person, we know what's coming in the 10 years. What makes the teenager an adult is having to go through the experience of what's coming in the 10 years.

Roula: If we take away this experience from them, they will remain teenager and immature. Let's say it's maturity. Adult is maturity. Maturity and thinking is doing. I'm not saying we're not doing things wrong. Yeah, but maturity. Yeah. Some adults are so immature. But immaturity, well, if we look now to the leaders of the, of the freaking 

rosie: world we live in, they're all 

Roula: immature.

Roula: It's 

rosie: a lack of mature there. Yep. 

Roula: That's all maturity. The ones with the big impact are immature. So yes, these are still teenagers. [00:06:00] 

rosie: So really, we don't have an answer to this question, do we? Not really. No, we don't. It's a back and forth. It is a back and forth. And something that pissed me off as a kid, I had a family friend.

rosie: He was maybe, I can't remember how much older he was, five or 10 years. And I really didn't get on with him. I liked his, his brother and his sister, but he would always say to me, Rosie, respect your elders. And he was referring to himself as an elder, even though he wasn't a, uh, an adult. Like he was 20 

Roula: and you were.

rosie: No. Like I was six and he was. Um, 11 or something. 

Roula: This bring me to a thought. When we are taught to do this, we're naturally been fed to become people pleaser. And this is why the Me

Roula: Too happens. We never been told to be strong, say no and put boundaries to order and authority. We're taught to respect them. I think I was just born a badass.[00:07:00] 

rosie: Thanks for watching! I was born a badass. You know why? I'm just going to be so cocky. I'm going to own this because I was. I would always challenge mum and dad. Always. And I got into so much trouble for it. Because I'm sure it was confronting for them. He's this child, this teenager, whatever. Cause I did it when I was younger too, before I was a teenager, confronting them, challenging them.

rosie: And as I became a young adult, it became even more difficult for them because I became even more outspoken and it caused arguments because I think it was, it's difficult, but you, Oh, I love that. Mm. You need to learn how to challenge people, though. I don't think I always got it right. I can be a little bit And 

Roula: parents need to learn how to accept it.

Roula: I learned this. I swear I learned this. You know why? Because when my kids started challenging me, I was still lost in this authority, parents figure. And, [00:08:00] you know, I didn't know how to deal with it because what they're saying makes sense. Right. But you're the parent. But I'm the parent. And when I know what's going to happen, the consequences.

Roula: are not good, though what they're saying makes sense. And I really learned, I learned to take the challenge and accept it, because we can learn so much from the teenagers. Yeah. When, when they're not being, uh, out of their minds, because of course, most of the time they are out of their minds. Some adults are also out of their minds.

Roula: Well, yes. As an adult, we have to educate ourselves. In accepting teenagers so that we have them come with us. Don't just 

rosie: shut them down. Yeah, don't shut them down. You need to encourage kids, our future generations, to speak up. If you don't, bad things happen. They could end up in an abusive relationship.

rosie: They could be miserable in their job and they're [00:09:00] just never going to speak up. Because that's what we modeled. 

Roula: You know, that's, that's also a tricky thing. You can be the most understanding, communicative and excellent person in raising a teenager. The teenager will still go and do what they want. 

rosie: Yeah.

Roula: Because adult think of the consequences. But teenagers, they provoke the consequences. But they still need our guidance. We have to be open for their opinions and learn how to take these opinions, think about them and come back with a few 

rosie: points.

rosie: And don't let your ego get in the way. I think sometimes parents, they don't, they're being so egotistical. They don't realize, but they think they know best. And they're not even willing to actually hear or listen what the teenager is saying. [00:10:00] 

Roula: Or they hear and listen and become so like they think we're, we're, we're like friends with our kids that they forget.

Roula: As an adult you have to put a boundary for the teenager so that the teenager feels safe. 

rosie: Difference. Oh yeah. Oh my God, this is, this conversation. There is a difference. Yeah. Okay. Oh, shit. If we want to keep it light. 

Roula: Let's take it this way. Adults also like to go have a nice cocktail or two and come back home with a hangover.

Roula: Teenagers do that too. Adults like sometimes to smoke weed. Teenagers do. We like to go to concerts and to dance. Teenagers do. We like to date and have sex and enjoy. Teenagers do. It's a human being. It's just what make us humans and becoming an adult is a whole different, it's a set I think a lot of it's about self 

rosie: discovery.

rosie: Yeah. A set of skills, but self discovery. [00:11:00] As I get older, I'm discovering myself more and more and more, but anyway, this is, this is getting philosophical. Yeah. So the difference between adults and children, don't know, lived experience, maybe. Something like that. Let us know your thoughts. We're kind of stuck on this one.

rosie: It's a tough one. Let us know. Yeah, let us know. But don't hit us with the science. I guess you could, but that's a bit boring. 

Roula: Let me tell you something, Rosie. I love it when I behave like a teenager. 

rosie: I feel it's a kind of 

Roula: freedom. Yeah. 

rosie: It's not necessarily a bad thing. 

Roula: Catch you next time! It's like I find myself again.

Roula: You're still talking. Are we finished? It looks so scary now. You're like the adult. And I'm the teenager. Bye! [00:12:00] Bye!

rosie: If you got a kick out of our conversation today, can you pretty please hit the follow button and share it with another opinionated person? This is the easiest way for you to support the show. It also gives Rula and I the motivation to keep going. I have to stop you there. Stop telling people what to do.

Roula: If they like to follow the show and share it, it's totally up to them. Guys, please, can you help us follow and share the show? Thank you so much. See you next time.