14: Love at First Sight, or is it Just Lust?

Rosie: [00:00:00] Rule. Yes. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Roula: I never experienced it, so I have to say no. 

Rosie: I agree. What about love? There was something at first sight, but not love. Not love. Okay, what is love then? 

Roula: Hmm. This is going to sound so ridiculous. I think love comes after the lust and the passion. 

Rosie: I agree. I agree. 

Roula: The first stages, the first site is lost.

Roula: It's not love. And then there is passion. And then you get to know this person. And at this stage you start either growing together and loving each other or not growing together and falling out of love. Well, you weren't really in love in the first place. Yeah, right. Yes. [00:01:00] Because love, it's a process. And I think in relationships, why they break because they say, Oh, I've fallen out of love or I'm not in love anymore.

Roula: This is what it means. We're not growing together because love is like a plant. You have to give it water and take care of it. Love is not something in the air. 

Rosie: Love is in the air. Love 

Roula: is, yeah, exactly. No, lust is in the air. Love is something, is a project. It's an engineering project. 

Rosie: Yes, it is. Okay. Is 

Roula: love easy?

Roula: Love is painful and when it works, it's very sweet. It's very 

Rosie: good. Mmm, I agree. Yeah. I When I was with my ex, cause she was all into love at first sight, blah, blah, blah. And I'm not into that shit, like piss off. And I said, you know, being in a relationship is [00:02:00] both the most difficult thing I've ever done, but the most rewarding.

Rosie: And she was so offended by that, but I thought that was beautiful. What

Rosie: was offending to her? The fact that I said it was difficult. 

Roula: Oh, okay. Yes, I understand. Because a relationship 

Rosie: can't be difficult, apparently. Because if you love each other, you can face 

Roula: the world. Yeah! Oh, yeah, you can face the world, but can you face each other? Oh. That's the difficult part. What I've learned about Love, Rosie, is that each argument, coupled with growth, and understanding and love, sorry, coupled with growth and understanding leads to love.

Roula: And each happy moment coupled with good communication [00:03:00] and understanding leads to love, make love growth. I believe it's working on ourselves, working on our communication skills, working on growing together. This makes love. Yeah. And in my opinion, this is the only thing that makes love because we can be so much in love for our feeling and divorce.

Roula: Why? Because we have not worked on ourselves, on our growth as a couple, as a person and our communication. That's why I say love is a project, an engineering project. And it doesn't, it doesn't come out of like, it doesn't come like this and stays forever. No, who cares about love? It's not fairy dust, is it?

Roula: No, it's not. That's why I think couples who have been together for like 40, 50 [00:04:00] years, they experience true love. Because they grew together and stayed through thick and thin. One is also suffering probably, the other one has no clue. But they made their own engineering and stayed together. 

Rosie: Hmm. Hmm. Okay. All right.

Rosie: Another question that I think is related to love at first sight. What is that instant pull or attraction you feel for some people? It's not always someone you want to sleep with, right? Sometimes you just meet someone and you're really drawn to them. What is that? That to me is not love at first sight, but there's something there.

Roula: Yeah, it's definitely not love at first sight. It's, I don't know. It's the beauty of human connection sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if every person we feel drawn to, we will fall in love with, then we don't have [00:05:00] any, we, we can't stay with one partner forever and I don't believe we have to stay with partner forever.

Roula: Right. Yeah. It's another time. Yeah. It's just, yeah, there are millions of people on earth. Of course you will feel attraction to other people. But this doesn't mean you have to act on it or it has to become love. It could result in a lovely conversation, an inspiring moment. 

Rosie: Yeah. 

Roula: Maybe it makes you fall in love with your partner more when you have this.

Roula: Hmm. And if you, if you feel this attraction to a person and you're not in a relationship, who knows? Maybe it's going to become a good friendship or, um, A moment of happiness, meeting this person, but it's not love, no, love is hard work. 

Rosie: I agree. So what do you have to say to people? And I don't have a word for that.

Rosie: Okay. Yeah, we can come up with one. We'll see. Maybe we need to make up a, an original word that doesn't mean anything, but to us [00:06:00] it does. But the question, what do you say to people? Who believe in love at first sight, because it's, you know, I used to, um, as a part time job when I was studying, I was a photo booth operator for a while and I would go to a lot of weddings.

Rosie: And so I would listen to all the speeches from the bride and the groom and a lot of them would be like, Oh, as soon as I set eyes on them, it was love at first sight. And I'd just be sitting at the back of the room, rolling my eyes like you are full of shit. I don't know if they genuinely believe that or they're trying to be romantic.

Rosie: But I know there are people out there who believe in love at first sight. 

Roula: What do you say? I don't think people gave it enough thoughts, Rosie. People don't give these things thoughts. That's why we're talking about it. And okay, when people say, Oh, it was love from first sight, it's good for them. It's good for them.

Roula: As long as they know to keep this love, it's going to be hard work. And the fact that it's love from first sight, it doesn't mean you're a [00:07:00] perfect couple. This is something also you have to accept. Say that again. If it was love from first sight, it doesn't mean you are a perfect couple. 

Rosie: Mic drop.

Rosie: That is powerful. People need to understand that. Fuck. You need to write a movie. 

Roula: What I call it. 

Rosie: Love is painful. I don't know. 

Roula: Love is an engineering project. But, but, you know, this is why, this is why there's something about, uh, uh, makeup. Sex is so good. Because like you had moments of interaction, that's intense.

Roula: It's intense. And maybe you had some moment of growth from it together, and then you make up, and you feel you both achieved something good. You're closer. You learned from it. And then the next time you might have another argument and groove again from it, [00:08:00] and then getting together, feeling this love. You know, there are moments when people are working on their relationships.

Roula: And I'm speaking this also from my own experience. I'm divorced because I couldn't have a good communication. And. I had less arguments in my first marriage. In my actual marriage, we have much more arguments, but I've never been more growing and enjoying love as I am in this relationship. Because we are growing from these arguments and every time we're getting better at them.

Roula: There's more love, more understanding, and this is love. Working hard, educating ourselves on becoming a better communicator. And believe that there is always a way to make things better rather than running away because running away doesn't solve it. It doesn't help anyone. So if this first kiss is the threat this marriage or relationship are hanging on it, people need to [00:09:00] rethink it, of this love from first sight, I mean.

Rosie: Yeah. Yeah. No, agreed. Conflict's not a bad thing. Love at first sight is bullshit, in my opinion, and yours. But if it makes them happy. Right, if it makes you happy, fine. Fine. You do you. 

Roula: Yes. So, what do you, did we answer the question to each other? I think we did. Yeah. I think we did for once. 

Rosie: Neither of us believe in love at first sight.

Rosie: I wonder what the listeners think. Yeah, you guys haven't been very chatty. Where are you? I feel rejected. Come on, light it up. Let 

Roula: us know what you think. Let us know what you think. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Bye! 

Bye!