18: Swearing, Self-Expression and Societial Norms

[00:00:00] Roula: I love this. Maybe now we have to talk about using fuck that and fuck this in the conversation. Let's do 

[00:00:05] Rosie: it. Let's do it. Yeah. Let's do it. Am I swearing too much, by the way? Genuine question. Uh. That's a yes. 

[00:00:14] Roula: No, I'm trying to think, um, um, 

[00:00:20] Welcome to the Rosie and show Marhaba. Good day. 

[00:00:31] Rosie, I have noticed in our episodes and in our conversations that you use the word of fuck you or fuck off, you know, with a melody. You say that.

[00:00:42] Rosie: With a melody! I love that. I think that's 

[00:00:46] Roula: And I'm curious about how does it make you feel? 

[00:00:50] Rosie: Hmm. That is an interesting question. I actually think I rely on swear words too much because it's so much easier for me to say, fuck you or fuck this or stuff that stuff you then.

[00:01:10] articulate clearly what I'm trying to say. So in a way it's this habit I fall back on, but I also feel liberated to say it because it's still fairly socially unacceptable, right? At least in certain circles, like over here, we call them Bogans, the lower class people, Bogans, yes. It's acceptable generally for them to swear.

[00:01:34] But if I then was in middle class or upper class, you know, fancy restaurant or the workplace. You'd be getting some looks if you were swearing. So I forgot the question. What was the question? 

[00:01:48] Roula: Yeah. What makes, how do you feel about using the word fuck off and fuck that? 

[00:01:53] Rosie: I think, here's what I think. I love swearing.

[00:01:56] However, I would like to be more conscious of when I use it and how I use it. Because it does become a habit and I just use it a lot and it loses its power. I remember watching, I think it was a documentary. It might've had Stephen Fry in it. I can't remember. But they were comparing people's pain threshold.

[00:02:18] when they weren't swearing compared to when they were swearing. So they had their hand in this icy, ice, ice, ice cold bucket, really cold. And they had to do it the first time without swearing. And the second time they're allowed to swear. And when they were allowed to swear, they could keep their hand in the cold water for longer.

[00:02:37] So it's a release. It's a release of anger or excitement or an expression. And you said, I say it with a melody. I think that's a very Australian thing. We do talk up and down and really all over the place, especially me. And sometimes when I listen back to myself, I go, wow, I go high pitched and quiet and loud and all over the place.

[00:03:00] So, but that's, that's not swearing. So how do I feel when I swear? Empowered, sometimes self conscious.

[00:03:07] Roula: I can, I can understand what you're saying. You know, that in the Middle East, in Lebanon, the swearing words or the swearing dictionary is so big. It's so big and it contains so many. sexual genitals. 

[00:03:29] Rosie: Wow. Okay. Yeah. 

[00:03:31] Roula: Weird. 

[00:03:32] Rosie: Yeah.

[00:03:33] Roula: And swearing there is so sexist, incredibly sexist from both sides, sexist toward men and sexist towards women.

[00:03:44] I'm thinking of all of this make, make me stop swearing. And I don't swear in Arabic, just the thought of how sexist these swearing words are. I stopped swearing and I stopped. I do use, okay, this is so embarrassing to say, but I don't say fuck off. I don't say fuck that. I say, fuck me.

[00:04:07] And then I'm like, oh shit. Okay. But when my husband hear me saying this, he knows I'm angry, thanks goodness. Otherwise, 

[00:04:17] our days would be crazy. Of course your mind goes there. 

[00:04:22] Rosie: But you know what I think is interesting? Because you don't swear often, when we're talking and you swear, I take that seriously.

[00:04:31] Like if Rue is swearing, she's pissed or she's really passionate. Whereas me, I swear a lot, so it's bliss. Powerful's not the word. Do you know what I mean though? 

[00:04:43] Roula: Yeah, it's, you know, some people use it also a lot, the word like, I noticed while we're recording. So it's, it's for you the same. 

[00:04:52] It's a filler word.

[00:04:54] Rosie: It is. It really is. You know what I did one year. 

[00:04:58] Roula: But you don't have to stop because it's not offending. 

[00:05:03] Rosie: True, but I would like to be more conscious or, um, what's the word, intentional of when I use it. So one year I was a teacher at the time and my swearing was getting out of control, not at school cause it's not really appropriate to swear in front of your students, but I set myself a challenge.

[00:05:22] I got a little piggy bank or money box and every time I swore I had to put 5 in the money bank. One day it got to 80 in one day. That's, that's astounding. And I was like, I can't afford to put 80 in here every day. So maybe within a week, I really was aware of it. And most days I wouldn't swear. And when I did, it was intentional.

[00:05:53] So, yeah. I don't think I'll do the money box thing again, but I might start reflecting on how often I'm swearing. Because it is just a habit and it is a filler word. 

[00:06:03] Roula: Sometimes for the other person, it, it's put the others on, like, you Guard because is this meant friendly?

[00:06:12] Can I Right. Talk to you. Right. It can come across as quite 

[00:06:15] aggressive. 

[00:06:16] Yeah, yeah, 

[00:06:17] yeah. 

[00:06:18] We want to be kind, we don't want to be aggressive towards each other. Can you be kind? 

[00:06:24] Rosie: Yeah. I'm 

[00:06:24] kind. What are you saying? 

[00:06:26] Roula: And fuck it, just be yourself. 

[00:06:28] Rosie: Yeah, exactly, fuck it. Swear if you want to swear. Really, I think, I don't know.

[00:06:37] You can't really set rules around it. You can't. I think one thing I'm, I have a pretty strong belief around is, not swearing around kids. I think they should be old enough to make a decision on if they want to swear. Because if, if a kid, a five year old starts walking around going, Oh, fuck this, fuck that.

[00:06:56] They probably don't even know the gravity of what they're saying. 

[00:07:01] Roula: And they're already 

[00:07:01] teaching them to express their anger in a swear word. 

[00:07:04] Rosie: Right, and is that healthy? 

[00:07:06] Roula: In an expressive way. 

[00:07:07] No. 

[00:07:08] Rosie: You're calling me out here. 

[00:07:10] Roula: Oh, I said no. Was that a question or a rhetorical question? 

[00:07:14] Rosie: Oh, God. I wanted to say the F word then.

[00:07:21] Roula: I swearing on the podcast because a lot of listeners enjoy swearing and hearing it. 

[00:07:28] Rosie: Or do they? Let us know. Let us know. Am I swearing too much? I will probably ignore you if you tell me I swear too much, but it is useful feedback and I am going to start thinking about it. And I'm here to have 

[00:07:45] Roula: Not 

[00:07:46] for you, for the 

[00:07:46] listener.

[00:07:47] I'm having the listeners back. 

[00:07:50] Rosie: Oh, well, that's nice. That's nice. 

[00:07:54] Roula: Thank you. Bye. 

[00:07:55] Rosie: Okay, bye. Bye. 

[00:07:57] Fuck you. Fuck 

[00:07:58] you. Fuck you. Fuck 

[00:08:00] you. Shut up. Fuck you. Go 

[00:08:02] shut 

[00:08:03] If you got a kick out of our conversation today, can you pretty please hit the follow button and share it with another opinionated person? This is the easiest way for you to support the show. It also gives Rula and I the motivation to keep going. I have to 

[00:08:19] Roula: stop you there. Stop telling people what to do.

[00:08:22] If they like to follow the show and share it, it's totally up to them. Guys, please, can you help us follow and share the show? Thank you so much. See you next time.